Dating Tales

Commuting every day on mass transportation can give the mind a lot of time wander. When I lived in Boston I had a one-hour commute each way, and since I arrived and departed at exactly the same time each day, there were several men I got to see routinely. Cute men, I might add.

I called these men my “T boyfriends.” Without sounding too stalker-esque I knew their cologne, what books they were reading, and what stops they got on and off at. I never intended to speak to any of my T boyfriends (there were several), I was just greatful to have interesting commutes.

Not everyone is as shy as I am, though. I do have friends that overcame the silence among subway passengers that serves as barrier to any sort of relationship building.

One friend of mine saw a cute guy on the subway every day for weeks. Finally, she was sitting next to him and decided to pull the plug from her iPOD and offer to plug it into his. He agreed and few songs later they became friends.

Another friend–after losing her balance while hanging on to the bar–fell against one cutie who then got off at her stop and coincidentally needed directions. He also asked for a date.

So it can pay to try and make a subway boyfriends the real thing. Too bad I never had the courage.

I’ve had many bad first kisses in my time. For that matter, I’ve had plenty of bad second, third, and fourth kisses too. One of the worst kisses involved an injury.

Like many first kisses, it was precluded by lots of drinks at a club. The overhead lights were dim and the black lights and disco balls were in full affect. With both of these two factors in action it was near impossible to tell a cute guy from the next, but in my drunk state, I was confident the man with me dancing was gorgeous.

A few more trips to the bar for beers and I started liking this guy more and more. When we snuggled in the back booth to make out I was delighted (it must have been the beers), but when my tongue braised the bottom of his teeth my delight faded. I couldn’t help but notice the sharp edges of two of his teeth. Seconds later I felt one of those sharp edges pierce the tip of my tongue.In pain, I flinched and pulled away feeling the taste buds on my tongue vibrate with the music. I tried to recover, but it just couldn’t be done. Moments later the lights came on and revealed the man in his full glory. Turns out this man was more gorgeous than I thought.

The pain magically subsided, and I went back in for another kiss, but not before he smiled and I noticed those teeth. Those pointy, sharp, and about as yellow as I’ve ever seen teeth.

I’m no tooth model and I recognize I sound superficial, but the beautiful brown locks and glistening blue eyes could not make up for the oral hygiene.

Here’s a dating tip for those that need it: caps and bleach could get you a second make-out session. Try Ivory White teeth whitener. Note: if you sign up for Ivory White, the product will automatically be shipped to you and your credit card automatically charged. Don’t blame me, just thank me for your second make out session.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?” The girl said:”NO!” And the girl lived happily ever-after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn’t save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore friggin’ lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self  esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

THE END

ps - I didn’t write this. Just thought it hysterical enough to share.

A friend of mine met a guy online and had several great dates with him. After date three she Googled him and discovered through a professional bio that he had two kids. His profile said nothing about kids and at no time during all three dates did he mention kids or ex-wives.

She was in a predicament. Should she confront him angrily and let him know what she had been up to or should she just wait for him to come clean? She tried waiting, but after a few phone calls and the fourth date he said nothing. Even more annoyed now, she finally brought it up in an e-mail. After that, no response at all.

This is a great example of how Googling can either hurt you, help you, or both. However you decide to deal with your search engine of choice, just be prepared for the consequences. You may learn things he didn’t disclose and should have, or you might you might find that he contradicts himself. The tip: be honest about your doings and if you Google him, tell him you did.

Another dating tip for you is to avoid a full-blown online investigation. You might be inclined to look for him on every social networking site that exists. No doubt this is one way to get to know a person, but it’s not exactly authentic. This is where it starts to border on stalking so I suggest holding off on the intense background searches until he tells you where he has online profiles. At this point it seems more like an invitation rather than a police investigation.

The internet is an excellent tool for educating ourselves and though we’re all normal for wanting to know more about the people in our lives, don’t take it too far. Happy Googling.

If you’ve ever lived near the mountains, chances are you’ve done this. Look out! Rough terrain ahead.