You are all excited about the fact that you have accepted your boyfriend’s recent marriage proposal.
However, it appears that your family isn’t so thrilled at all about your marriage. What do you do?

The key to working through problems is good communication – which often means listening at least as
much as you talk, and making sure that all involved have a chance to air their grievances. It also means that you must truly understand what people are saying to you before you can respond.

First, you need to find out why your family is against your marriage. It’s hard to listen to what they have to say objectively, but it’s really important to keep your emotions in check while your family relays their concerns. Obviously, this can be very difficult to do!

After they offer you their reasons for concern, you need to make a genuine effort to evaluate their opinions to see if there is any validity in them. For example, if they say to you “I just don’t like him,” you may just chalk it up to the fact that they are upset about you moving on with your life. If on the other hand, you get a response like, “I know that he has been married twice before and that he has a long criminal record”, you just might want to seriously consider the issues that your family is raising.

Sometimes, it is also helpful to ask the advice of a close friend in this situation. How does your friend honestly feel about your soon to be husband? When she offers her feelings, also ask her to give examples of why she feels that way. It is important again to listen respectfully and not take the answers personally. You might also want to ask your fiance to read this article on winning over your partner’s friends.

At this point, you might realize that your friends and your family have valid reasons for not liking your husband to be. On the other hand, you might decide that your family and/or friends are upset about something else and directing their frustration at your fiance. Or perhaps they just don’t want you to get married.

If your family continues to be unhappy as you pursue the marriage and you want to continue on in a relationship with them, it might be good to seek counseling. As time goes by, it’s only going to get harder to deal with a family that doesn’t like your fiance – not to mention a fiance that feels threatened by your family. A good counselor can help you find ways to reduce the tension with your family and can also help them to create a relationship with your spouse to be.

When it comes down to it, your choice for a mate is just that – your choice. Your family can voice their opinions, and while you should listen to them objectively and consider them carefully, you are the master of your destiny. The choice is still yours to make after those opinions have been offered.

If your family doesn’t come around to the idea of your marriage, hopefully they are mature enough to accept the fact that people can agree to disagree and still love each other. That love will hopefully be strong enough to also accept your choice and to be happy for you and your future husband.
Good luck!

Author Jason Lancaster works with GayDatingSites.com, a website that offers gay dating tips and advice.

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