Dating Tales

My day job is in marketing and PR. I recently attended a conference in Orlando as an exhibitor where I met an older, friendly couple familiar with the area. They were both very talkative and eager to tell me about local restaurants and attractions that didn’t involve the ever-so-prevalent mouse (as in Mickey). They were also eager to talk about the hotel they were staying at and how unhappy they were with the accommodations.

Moments after the converstaion ended and the couple walked away from my booth, the man came back.

“We’re married. We have different last names, but I just want you to know she’s my wife. I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression about us sharing a hotel room.”

My reaction was delayed. I heard the words that were coming out of his mouth, but I didn’t understand why he was telling me.  I smiled, laughed a little, and responded with: “uh, no problem.”

I didn’t get it. Why did he care what I thought? But then I realized it wasn’t so much me that he cared about. He was protecting her honor. As old-fashioned as it is, and even though I don’t necessarily agree with it (women should keep their names if they want to and sleep with men they aren’t married to for that matter) it is romantic to see a man who respects his wife so much that he doesn’t want a perfect stranger to misunderstand her.

I recently took a writing class and the first assignment was to write a love letter to my lover or a former luva. At the time I was single and couldn’t retreive any loving feelings, so I decided to play the role of a crazy person. I think I came pretty close.

Dear Jack,

I know you think I’m a stalker and at this point I can’t do much more than convince you otherwise with this letter my last ditch effort.  Unless, of course, I receive another sign from the universe like last time, then I may try to contact you again. I realize you probably won’t read this, but I have to at least try. I can’t get close to you like I want to (the cops made sure of that) and all of my other letters ended up back in my mailbox.

Again, I know you think I’m crazy because of some of my actions, but you must know that my friends and family (the people that know me best) do not feel that way. If you were to ask any one of them they would tell you I’m the sanest one of the bunch. Everyone comes to me for advice. I’m telling you I should have been a therapist. But that’s not the point.

The point is that you’ve proven yourself to be a nice and caring guy. You always said “hi” to me in the halls and you always kept the restraints loose enough so it didn’t hurt. Aside from having trust issues, you really are perfect for me. And I’m perfect for you too. The universe says so. How else can you explain the cloud formation that said JACK AND JILL n’ FOREVER. You saw the photo taped to my door, how could you deny it? And then, of course, there is the nursery rhyme. If that’s not a prophecy I don’t know what is.

I guess you want an apology from me for hitting you on the head with the pail, telling everyone at the hospital about our feelings for each other and for calling your fiance, so I will you give you one if that is what it takes for us to work this out. I’m sorry for crossing boundaries. When you’re ready to work on “us” you can find me back at The Ward. I returned last week.

Love, Jill

The fight that my boyfriend (BF) and I have is about the telephone. With cell phones our lives are so much easier, but yet he still doesn’t call. Below is a list of reasons the BF gives me in order of frequency. Please comment and add to the list. I know I’m not alone.

1) I didn’t want to tell you no. Socially, I’m overbooked. The BF is under booked. We both know and enjoy this about ourselves, yet it doesn’t stop me from wanting him to go with me to the cocktail party, or the movie, or yoga, or whatever else I must do on a random Tuesday night. He gets tired of turning me down, so he just doesn’t pick up.

2) I forgot my phone in the car. This one is a biggy. The BF insists on using the phone during his commute. As a result, the phone is left in the console, he ends up on the couch, and I’m across town wondering where the hell he is!

3) I fell asleep. Lazy bum.

4) Phone wasn’t working. The phone might not be working for a variety of reasons. There is the very common dead battery, the even more common poor reception, and then the not so common occurrence of dropping the phone in the toilet.

5) It was too late. He knows I won’t pick up once I’m asleep, but in the morning when I see he still hasn’t called it only makes matters worse.

6) I knew you were mad. I don’t have huge anger issues, but I have my moments. When the BF’s phone is turned off, my moment turns into an event.

7) In the hospital. This only happened once and is not as horrible as it sounds. Apparently any minor flesh wound prohibits the use of cell phones.

Why can’t he say that he just didn’t want to?

For some reason I keep hearing stories of marriage proposals gone awry. Not because he botched the job, but because she spoke too soon.

I received a surprise wedding invitation last week from my college friend, Rachel. I called the next day to get the whole story. You know what are the colors, what does she really want off the registry and, of course, how did he propose?

The answers were blue, something small and easy to return, and well he didn’t really ask, I sorta ruined the surprise.

Turns out the day before Ryan proposed she told a story of a co-worker who proposed to his girlfriend on Christmas Day. Rachel went on and on about how that was a total cop out and a real proposal should come at a romantic time not the most commercialized, generic holiday of the year.

Ryan went silent and the next morning Rachel didn’t have a gift under the tree. Confused and disappointed, Rachel kept silent pouting the whole day at her parent’s house. It wasn’t until the morning of the 26th that Rachel figured it out. She opened her eyes to see Ryan lying in bed with a small box next to him on the pillow. Apparently he wanted to get engaged on the 25th, the most commercialized day of the year.

Another friend of mine ended up with an injury over the matter. After weeks of ring shopping with her boyfriend, Janet left the mall frustrated she couldn’t find what she liked for the right price.

After about the fifth sigh in 30 seconds, her boyfriend looked over at her from the driver’s seat and said with a smile, maybe you don’t really need a ring.” Without hesitation Janet lifted her hand to playfully karate chop his knee. He, of course, saw it coming as it was her trade mark move and moved his legs to the right. At that moment, Janet karate chopped the metal seat belt insert and fractured her left hand.

Today, Janet’s left hand is entirely wrapped and her engagement ring is taped to her right ring finger.