About Me
I have four kids; Jane, 12; Rex, 10; Tommy, 6; and Jacinda, 2. My kids are my world. In fact, my oldest even helped me write this profile. Whoever I end up with would need to love my kids as his own.

Before I became a full-time mom I was a graphic designer for a magazine. I still do quite a bit of freelance work, which pays the bills and keeps me busy, but I’m really more interested in keeping the home fires burning.

At heart I’m an artist. I didn’t come by graphic design on accident. Both of my parents were artists so I’ve spent my whole life painting and sculpting. Every week I spend an evening working on something creative; I don’t feel right unless I’ve created something or focused on something abstract. One of my favorite pieces is a clay replica of my living room—the piece even has little figures of my kids and our dog.

I’m not exactly a romantic, but I am looking to meet a man who I can sweep off his feet. I enjoy being the caretaker and looking after someone. This isn’t meant to be overbearing, it is only meant to be affectionate.

If you are a family man willing to get your hands a little dirty with clay, send me a message.

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Profile critique

One great thing – Nice job describing your creative edge and incorporating that throughout your profile including the closing sentence.

One not-so-great-thing – Hold your horses on all this kid talk. Yes, you should mention it, but you shouldn’t devote paragraphs to it nor should you ask someone you’ve never met to love your kids. That might be a little too much.

*****

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About Me
That’s 30 minutes away. I’ll be there in 10 (Harvey Kietel said this in Pulp Fiction).

I love this line. It totally sums up how I think about life and how I drive. If it’s not fast, I don’t want anything to do with it.

This goes for running too. In fact, I just finished my best marathon yet with a time of 3 hours and 52 minutes. I’d never expect you to keep up, but I’d hope you’d be there at the finish line when I crossed.

I’m looking to meet someone who would rather dine out over cook at home and would rather run miles over walk those same miles.  I’m not a complex person and I work best with people who don’t try to complicate things too.

This is me:

•    I’ve got my sea legs. Most weekends I’m sailing.
•    In love with Chicago; there will never be another.
•    A die-hard romantic (as long as he doesn’t take me out of Chicago).
•    Prefer reading teenage dramas over The New Yorker.

If I sound like someone you’d like to date, give me a call (555-5555) or email (me@email.com).

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Profile critique

One great thing – Love the movie quote. This is a great opener in any online dating profile.

One not-so-great-thing – The profile is a little too short and you should never give out personal information like this – it makes you look creepy and like you’ll date anybody.

Complete the Dating Tales personality questionnaire and for only $39 you can have a shiny new online dating profile just like this Ted–maybe even better.

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Before the DatingTales.net profile writing service

HI EVERYBODY!!!!! I’M NEW TO ONLINE DATING AND AM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO SAY HERE, BUT IF YOU ARE CUTE AND LIKE MY PHOTO DROP ME A LINE. I’LL BUY YOU 3-4 MAYBE SIX DRINKS.

No, really. I probably will only buy you one, if that’s what you want.

I’m tall, blond, active, and I like books and travel. My looks are very important to me and I need a woman who looks good on my arm. Looks should be important toyou too. I’m a real catch. Thunderstorms are alright but I prefer the sunshine. I’m not gonna lie I like a little television at night and love to sleep in when I can. I dont wanna play games and I dont want to marry you or your sister. I’m just lookin to have fun.

I work in real estate so business is a little slow right now, but usually I work without breaks. I like to interact with clients and of course, I like the selling part of it too. I’m often out late at night and want to date someone whose up for a few shots a tequila.

If I’ve sold you clal me at 555-5555 or IM me at HOT_STUFF

After the DatingTales.net profile writing service got their hands on the world’s worst online dating profile

What’s better than an ice cold, golden hued lager?

I am a fan of good tequila and good beer.  I’m looking forward to sharing a few beers with a witty lady who enjoys a variety of hops too.

You can probably learn a lot about me just by looking at my profile. Yes, thunderstorms are great, but if I really had to choose a weather pattern, I’d pick a cloudy cool day where I could sleep all tucked under the covers and then enjoy a few good movies that afternoon.

Sounds like an ideal day off to me. How do you like to spend your free days?

Like a lot of people I enjoy reading and travel. But unlike some people you might read about on this single site, I actually like reading about travel. Something about imagining far off places and learning about different cultures through books that offers so much.

Despite enjoying my sleep and movies, I’m very driven professionally. I work in the real estate business and although business is a little slow right now, I usually work as much as I can. It’s not just about the money either. I enjoy the interactions with clients and, of course, I like the selling part of it too.

If I’ve sold you and you’re up for trying a new beer or watching a good movie, give me a wink. I’ll email you to tell you more about me.

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Creative Commons Image Credit: Digital Sophia Photgraphy

Handle – DownwardDog26
Name – Caroline
Age – 26
Location – San Diego
Seeking – Fun, single guy under 30
Interests – Kickball, chick lit, happy hour, yoga

About Me
My friends say I’m laid back, easy going, and a great listener. I value what my friends say too. Since I’m far from my family I depend on my close circle of friends for most everything.

I manage to stay pretty busy. Between my job, friends, and hobbies, I’m rarely even home. But when I am home, I love to curl up with a good girlie book and the softest cat in the world: Loafers. Loafers has been with me since high school—she even made it through college at UCLA with me too. She and I are great buddies. We both love tuna fish and we both purr:)

My love of animals is probably a result of my upbringing. My parents own a ranch right outside of Montpelier, Vermont, so good old-fashioned country fun was easily had. Between pet chickens and makeshift dirt bike ramps, my brothers and I managed to entertain ourselves pretty well.

It’s a different story today. There’s hardly enough room at my apartment for Loafers and after a couple of broken arms I’ve left the dirt biking behind me. Now, all my exercise happens at the beach or at the yoga studio

Do you yoga?

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Profile critique

One good thing – Caroline did a great job describing her cat. A profile doesn’t need to be 100% about you. It’s okay to express yourself describing other things too.

One not-so-great-thing – Since most people say “My friends say…”, then you shouldn’t. It is cliché and you’d be better off illustrating who you are with examples.

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I think a valuable place to start is by looking at example online dating profile samples like this one. Although all of the sample profiles on Dating Tales are completely fictional, they will at least give you an idea of what an online profile can look like.

Handle – CarsbytheBay
Name – Trisha
Age – 54
Location – Memphis
Seeking – Mature man looking to settle down
Interests – Kite making, morning walks, bargain shopping

About Me
The best lessons in life I learned in car sales. That’s right, I was a car salesperson for over 10 years. No, I wasn’t your typical scoundrel. I actually made an honest living and learned quite a bit from it. If it weren’t for that experience I don’t think I’d be where I am today with my bargain shopping obsession and an eBay business.

I love my job so much that it is both my job and my hobby too. I’m finally happy in my life and I’m looking to be even happier with someone who is ready to find love and settle down.

I’m sure my confession to find love is against the online dating rules, but I’d rather not mince words. Why can’t I just be honest about what I want and not waste anyone’s time? Sure I’ll date and make new friends, but it’s important for me to be honest in everything I do.

How’s that for a car salesperson?

I’m a little on the heavy side, but I’m working on fixing that with daily walks with my daughter. I actually have two grown children who live nearby and a large group of friends and a church community that I spend a lot of my time with. It’d be ideal if the person I date is also a Christian and supportive of my weight problems.

Tell me about you. How do you spend your time?

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Profile critique

One great thing – Way to make light of your car sales roots! It’s funny and says a lot about you without coming right out and saying “I am…”

One not-so-great-thing – If you have to put in your profile that you’re making a mistake, then you probably are. Even men looking to get married will shy away from a woman this bold. Save the love and marriage conversation for later…and take it easy on all your weight too! Your profile should be light and fun.

*****

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About Me
To avoid the awkward moments later, I’m just going to come out with it – I knit.

I know, I know, it’s a little odd, but a snowboarding friend of mine always had the coolest hats and after he refused to make me a hat of my own, I decided to learn to make my own. Thanks to a few friends at a “Stitch and Bitch” club, I’m now an avid knitter.

That’s all I have for confessions, at least for now. The real juicy ones might come out later.

In addition to knitting and snowboarding, I also like foreign films, cookie dough, and picking out paint colors. I bought an old fixer-upper last year and ever since I’ve been painting, tiling, landscaping, and everything else that goes along with remodeling a home. Needless to say, I’ve really enjoyed the process.

When I’m not working or hanging out around the house, I’m traveling. I wish I could travel more, but I guess we all have responsibilities. The person I date needs to enjoy travel too. If you aren’t up for an adventure, then you’re not up for me.

Some of my favorite trips have been to Barcelona, Aruba, and Koh Phi Phi in Thailand. Have you been?

I think the common denominator in all of these places is the water. There is something so romantic and soothing about sparkling lights over the sea. There’s nothing I enjoy more than a glass of red wine, good conversation, and the sound of waves on the beach.

In fact, I think that might be my ideal date. What about you? What do you want in a date?

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Profile critique

One great thing – Jeff’s interests are really unique. It’s not just the usual “work out, movies, and cooking” routine. Great job making your profile stand out.

One not-so-great-thing – It seems that almost everyone mentions travel in their profile. Have you really met anyone that doesn’t like to travel or at least wouldn’t travel if they could? I vote you keep the ultimatums (If you’re not up for travel you’re not up for me) and the travel references out of your profile, unless you can make it very creative.

Travel is a better first date conversation anyway.

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Handle – HedgeCraig357
Name – Craig
Age – 32
Location – Des Moines
Seeking – Ambitious, career-oriented woman
Interests – Building my business, the History Channel, golf

About Me

Here I am all shiny and new to online dating. I finished grad school in ‘06 and since then I’ve spent little time in the bars or out and about meeting new people. In fact, if you don’t work downtown and aren’t interested in hedge funds, then there’s no way I would’ve met you before now.

Needless to say, my job has sort of overtaken my life and now I’m trying to get back on the bus and into the world of dating. First stop? Match.com.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want a relationship, I do. But I’m not about to just jump into one. I’m much more interested in meeting someone for a fun date and seeing where that takes us. I don’t jump into decisions at work and there’s no way I’ll jump into a relationship either.  For now, I’m interested in going out, having fun, and getting to know someone who will respect my job and all the time it requires of me.

If it turns out we make better friends, great, and if it’s more than that, then even better.

So here’s the real questions. Do you know what a hedge fund is?

*****
Profile critique

One good thing – Craig did a good thing by asking a question at the end of  his profile. Now, whoever decides to e-mail Craig has a conversation starter.

One not-so-great-thing – There’s no need to announce that your new to online dating. Many people say this in their profiles because they are uncomfortable with online dating and they want to make it known that they are “new.” For whatever reason that makes the whole experience better somehow. We were all new to online dating at one point or another so there’s no need to justify it.

*****

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