Yes, it is okay to have your online profile professionally written. I feel strongly about this. So strongly that I even provide an online dating profile writing service for any online dater who needs a little help.

If writing isn’t your strength, then there is no harm in asking for a little help.

There is a caveat here, though. While it is okay to have someone write your profile, the information presented in that profile still needs to represent you fairly. Every paragraph, every sentence, and every piece of a list within your profile needs to be true and should be written to match your personality.

Even with a professional writing service you have to work with the writer to develop something that fits who you are and the person you are looking to date. If your profile doesn’t represent you fairly, then yeah, I guess having your dating profile written by someone else isn’t ethical.

So, if you have someone write your profile, complete their questionnaire truthfully and provide as much insight into who you are as possible. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for revisions. If you don’t like the first draft of what they wrote, then offer suggestions for improvement.

The E-mail Writing Debate

On countless occasions I have been asked to write e-mails or help clients write an e-mail to someone they’ve met online. Unfortunately, I have to draw a line here. While I want to help beyond just the profile writing, I think this is a little too Roxanne. (Remember that movie?)

A writer can help you present the best version of you, but they can’t pretend to be you. Especially by holding conversations either online or off. The person you are introducing yourself to and getting to know, needs to know all thoughts are yours, not concocted by someone else.

I do offer an alternative though. See my previous blog posts about online icebreakers and sample online dating e-mails to get ideas for e-mail topics.

Many of our profile writing clients ask about assistance in writing online dating e-mails, and although we don’t offer that kind of service, we can give you pointers from time to time.

On Tuesday, I posted a sample online dating e-mail, and again today I’d like to share with you a couple more sample online dating e-mail examples that will hopefully make writing e-mails in the online dating world a little less painful.

Let’s start with Jeff. You can read his full profile here -> Jeff”s Sample Online Dating Example, or you can just read an excerpt right here:

In addition to knitting and snowboarding, I also like foreign films, cookie dough, and picking out paint colors. I bought an old fixer-upper last year and ever since I’ve been painting, tiling, landscaping, and everything else that goes along with remodeling a home. Needless to say, I’ve really enjoyed the process.

Here is an example of what someone could write to Jeff in an e-mail (the text in red are just my comments):

Let’s try another e-mail example. This time it’s to a woman named Trisha. Read her profile here -> Trisha’s Sample Online Dating Profile, or you can read the excerpt below:

The best lessons in life I learned in car sales. That’s right, I was a car salesperson for over 10 years. No, I wasn’t your typical scoundrel. I actually made an honest living and learned quite a bit from it. If it weren’t for that experience I don’t think I’d be where I am today with my bargain shopping obsession and an eBay business.

If I were interested in Trisha, here is what I would write:

Stay tuned for more sample online dating e-mails. From time to time we’ll publish more e-mail tips and tricks to get you on your way. You can always sign up for our RSS feed to stay in the know.

So you’ve found someone online who you think might be a match, and you want to send over an e-mail, but you are completely stuck and don’t know what to say.

Thousands of online daters can relate.

I’ve given you tips in online dating icebreakers and other email writing tips, but you’ve asked for examples, so I’m delivering with a two-part blog post containing sample online dating emails.

Let’s start with Caroline, she’s 26 and loves yoga. You can read her full profile here -> Caroline’s Sample Online Dating Profile Example, or you can just read this short little excerpt:

I manage to stay pretty busy. Between my job, friends, and hobbies, I’m rarely even home. But when I am home, I love to curl up with a good girlie book and the softest cat in the world: Loafers. Loafers has been with me since high school—she even made it through college at UCLA with me too. She and I are great buddies. We both love tuna fish and we both purr:)

Now that you know a little bit about Caroline, it’s time to write that show-stopping e-mail that is sure to get you a date, or at least a return e-mail. Below is a sample of what you could write.

There are a few great things about this e-mail, which are in red above, but there are also a couple of things that could be improved on. For instance, in the first paragraph he should say what it is they have in common. Be specific in emails.

In the third paragraph, the idea for a game is excellent, but it’s not articulated very well. Always proofread e-mails and even read them aloud to make sure everything makes sense.

Check back on Thursday when I’ll give you more online dating email samples and divulge a few more secrets to writing good email.

A Dating Tales reader was kind enough to write in after reading a couple of my other posts on what to write in a message when dating online. Like a lot of online daters, he is unsure about what to say in an initial e-mail and even what to say in a follow up e-mail to a girl he’s interested in.

Below are the seven common statements he has found in online profiles along with my suggestions on how to use these statements as conversation starters in an e-mail.

These are only ideas for online dating icebreakers.  Whatever you choose to say in an e-mail, always be respectful and be sure to ask lots of questions … people like to talk about themselves.

She loves to be with their kids. As she should.

Do you have kids? Talk about them.

Better yet, ask questions about her kids and then mention a couple of kid-friendly activities you’ve heard are great. Don’t expect to meet the kids and definitely don’t expect to spend time with them, but let it be known that you are open to having children around.

She loves to dance. Here’s a great clue to what your first date should be. Suggest some dancing spots that you like or would like to try.

Are you a horrible dancer? Tell her you’re open to dance lessons or a few personal lessons if it ever comes to that.

Family and friends are important to her. Share a few stories about your own family and friends. Describe them and explain why they are important to you.

Be sure to ask questions about the people in her life too, and go beyond just asking: “How many brothers and sisters to you have?”

She’s tired of games. Maybe hit her back with something a little ironic. Ask her if she’s totally over Monopoly, Scrabble, and Solitaire.

Okay, maybe not.

If you agree and aren’t into game playing yourself, then tell you are also tired of it and that you do your best to A) always call when you say you will, B) just straight up tell someone when you are interested in them, and C) Follow the golden rule (treat others how you want to be treated).

She loves to laugh. This one’s easy. Make her laugh! Funny jokes, one-liners from movies, a witty comment about her profile, i.e., You remind me of a time back in 87′ …

She goes to school for nursing/ paralegal/ degree in whatever. This leads you to a perfect opener in an e-mail. Ask for details about her schooling. Why did you choose this path? What class do you like best? Where do you hope to work one day? I’ve always been interested in BLANK too.

She enjoys music, shopping, and traveling.

Tell her about your favorite tunes and then ask her to recommend music to you.

Maybe you don’t like to shop, but there has to be one thing you have a weakness for and buy often. Tell her about it.

Do you travel? Do you want to travel? Tell her about it and ask her about her top five destinations. Where does she want to visit the most?

If this list was helpful to you, buy me a beer to say thanks. Or, if you have other questions about e-mailing in online dating, contact Dating Tales.

A Dating Tales reader recently sent in a question about how to approach girls online. For the sake of anonymity, we’ll just call this faithful reader Rusty.

Here’s Rusty’s request for advice…

“When I have my chance to send a girl a message for the first time, I don’t know what to say. I want to say something nice, but don’t know what to write. I NEED advice.”

This is a common concern and one that I think people should take more seriously. When you send that first message through a single site the tone of the message needs to be friendly, but more importantly it needs to be unique.

Just like in online profile writing, you need to catch that special someone’s attention by not sounding like everyone else.

There are a few other Dating Tales posts about proper e-mail introductions in online dating, but just for you Rusty, I thought I’d throw a couple more ideas out there.

E-mail introduction example#1 - “Hey, I came across your profile and it seems we have a lot in common; especially our interests in travel. Can you tell me more about your trip to Europe? Where did you go?”

E-mail introduction example #2 - “You’ve got cute pics. I like your style. Got any tips for a hopelessly bad dresser?” … Then send her a picture of you in your Halloween costume.

Do need online dating advice? Contact Sara, the author of DatingTales.net, for tips and advice on how you can find the right person online.

Online dating icebreakers is a topic that has been tackled before here on Dating Tales, but there’s a lot to say about it so I thought I would take another shot at it.

The reason: It’s friggin’ hard to start a conversation with someone online whom you’ve never met before and know only what they’ve written in their profile. You also have a need to be original and make a good impression, and that’s a lot of pressure.

Next time you’re at a loss, but really want to say hello to some cutie (or more than one cutie), try these suggestions for great e-mail intros in online dating.

1. Ask a follow up question to something in their profile, but make sure its an interesting one. Instead of asking where in Europe they traveled, why not say: “My favorite European destination were the Spanish Steps in Rome. My friends and I stayed there all day just people watching and lounging in cafe. Did you go there?”

This one is a little obvious but you can’t ever go wrong by asking someone to talk about themselves.

2. Tell a joke. Play a game. Ask some trivia. Get the object of your affection to do something instead of just respond with: “I grew up in Oregon and have two younger sisters.”

Boring.

You’ll get to all that stuff later. Get your online flirtation started with a little playfulness.

3. Here’s a novel idea. Give a few sweet compliments! Maybe you like his sunglasses in his profile photo or maybe you’re reading his favorite book too and think he’s right about the main character. Or, maybe you think he has good taste in food, music, etc. and then get more specific by recommending an album or restaurant.

Stroking someone’s ego will get your far.

Now that you have a few ideas on what you should do, here’s what not to do in online dating e-mail intros:

Don’t say anything along the lines of “I’m not really sure what to say here” or “I’m new at this online dating thing and don’t know how this works” or “You look hot. Wanna go out?”

That’s no way to close a deal. Don’t reveal your insecurities and don’t be too aggressive. That’s not a turn-on to anyone. Be confident, but don’t over do it.

You may be unsure, but he doesn’t need to know that. He needs to think that you are really into him and have so much you want to say that just can’t hardly stand it.

Good luck in your online dating. If you would like help writing your online profile, sign up for the Dating Tales profile writing service today.

Effectively approaching someone online is important. It is probably one of the most important steps in meeting someone online second to having a well-written profile.

Think of it like this: you see someone across the room of a restaurant standing by the bar. She has a beautiful smile, gorgeous legs, and a nicely put together outfit. You notice that she’s been looking at you even making eye contact a few times.

You get up the courage to talk to her and excuse yourself from your table of friends. Walking right up to her you flash your pearly whites, put out your hand, and introduce yourself when she says:

Do you mind stepping back? You just spit on my face.

See what I mean? Don’t blow your chance at a first impression in online dating by saying something in an e-mail or online chat that is over the top or boring. Instead, be witty and thoughtful. If you have trouble coming up with your own conversation ideas, try these ice breakers.

1) If I were to write a book, the main character would be…
2) The best beach I have ever been to was…
3) If reincarnation is real, I hope to come back as a…
4) Today I saw a painting that reminded me of…
5) The one noise I wish I could mute from the world is…
6) If I had to eat the same thing for the rest of my life it would be…
7) I feel bad for my remote control because…

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Need help writing your online profile? Sign up for the Dating Tales profile writing service for a profile that pops.

1. Come here often?
2. You give great e-mail.
3. You’re an excellent writer. Not everyone knows how to use an em dash.
4. Beautiful picture. With you in it, I barely noticed the Grand Canyon.
5. All my favorite people are Sagittarius.
6. You look hot on paper. I bet you’re even better in person.
7. Love your adjectives. No one uses the word “amiable” like you do.
8. Do you like me? (Pick one) Yes No
9. In the subject line: I’ve met you before. In the email: My dreams.
10. You kinda look like someone famous, but cuter.

For more lines like these visit the DatingTales compliments soundboard. And, if you want help writing your online profile, learn more about the DatingTales profile writing service.

You winked, he winked and wrote an e-mail saying “What’s up?” So now what do you write? I’ll tell you what not to write: “Nothing. What’s up with you?

This is a list of the seven things you should avoid or be sure to do in your e-mails.

1. He can start the conversation, but so can you. Show initiative and start the conversation. In life being passive never pays so if you’re interested write him and say so. You could write something like: “I’ll tell you the boldest thing I’ve done if you tell me yours. I’m interested in getting to know you.”

2. Asking a lot of good questions. Talking too much about yourself is a huge turnoff. Wait to be asked questions before giving your speech “So, about me.” He looked at your profile and knows a little about you already, he’ll be more interested if you ask him why his favorite author is David Sedaris or why he lived in Japan for so long.

3. Keep him guessing about you, but not for that long. It’s good to keep him intrigued, but if you wait too long to return his e-mail or call he may forget about you and move on to the next match. If you ask him to tell you about the boldest thing you’ve ever done, be sure to tell him about yours within a few days after he does. In this same vein, if he asks for your number or to meet you, don’t wait a week to respond.

4. Avoid the e-mail love affair. Many people give good e-mail. It’s exciting to log into your e-mail account and find three new e-mails from this new, interesting guy. But what happens when you fall for the e-mail version of him, but meet the real him and have zero attraction? I suggest meeting him after the first five or so e-mails. You’ll be bummed to lose an e-mail lover you’ve grown attached to.

5. Copy and Paste: Don’t. You’re likely to make a mistake if you send the same “about me” e-mail to three online matches. A friend of mine did this and she sent the same e-mail to one guy twice AND she didn’t change the name at the top. He never wrote back.

6. Just the right size. One complaint a lot of men have about women is that they talk too much. Although I’ve seen studies showing that men talk more than women, I do know from experience that some guys get freaked out by “chatty Patty.” Don’t write a long e-mail until he does. Once he does (if he does) then you’ll know he has the patience for it. I suggest keeping the e-mail to two short paragraphs.

7. Send an e-mail after the first date. I think it’s nice to get a follow up e-mail even if I’m not interested. It’s a polite thing to do.