Dating Tales

For decades this question has gone unanswered and it’s time we settle the issue. I’d like to know and I know you, the reader and dater, want to know too. Who should pay for the first date?

For me, this inquiry was recently brought up after a friend and I discussed an awkward date with a very cheap man. You actually know part of this “missed connection” story because I told it in my “Women Picking Up Men, It’s a Beautiful Thing” post.

The good news is that my friend did go on a date with the cute boy from Craigslist, but the bad news is that he was weird about the bill. So weird, in fact, that she won’t go out with him again.

The story goes like this: At the end of the date she went for her credit card expecting him to say, “No, no. I got it.” When he didn’t say anything she was still OK with paying half because in her mind that was perfectly fair anyway.

But things got weird when he started adding up what was hers (1 beer and 1 burger) and what was his (1 burger). After totaling his amount owed, he opened up his wallet for her to see that there were at least 10, very crisp, twenty dollar bills inside. To make matters worse, he left a $1 tip.

The feminist in me says that women should be willing to pay for half or all of the bill, but then the traditionalist in me says that I should be wined and dined. What do you think? Answer the poll and leave your comments with your ideas. It’s time we settle this issue once and for all.

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This has been circulating around the internet and because it’s quite hilarious, I though I’d share.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. He found a woman with this story…

She said it was midwinter. Snowing and quite cold. And the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah, for a day skiing. No overnights. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started to pee.

In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.

All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about ‘what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

The best part of it all?

They fell in love and he became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

It’s in my nature to try and play matchmaker. There’s nothing more exciting than a blossoming new romance and if I see an opportunity among friends, then I jump at it.

Not too long ago I set up my friend Jen with a co-worker. I had a party and the two met with sparks flying. The next week they met for dinner and somehow things changed.

Jen called me the day after to tell me, hesitantly at that, he’s not that nice.

“He talked crap about all your friends the whole night. He even said some things about you, Sara. He said you throw boring parties and that he wished you would stop having them altogether because he felt obligated to go. But don’t worry, I told him off.”

“Who doesn’t like a good game of Taboo, homemade limoncillo, and my oh-so-favorite 80s party mix?” I retorted, pouting a little.

I’m grateful to Jen for standing up for me, for telling me about it so I wouldn’t try to set up this guy again, and for never calling him back. Thanks Jen.

Apparently, even the guys you’re friends date can break your heart too.

I’ve had two dates at the Empire State Building. Sure, you’re imaging a romantic re-do of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan’s encounter, but that wasn’t my experience. Both were deadly.

The first date didn’t actually involve going in the building, but meeting right outside near the Heartland Brewery. Picture me standing there; hopeful, nervous, and excited to meet the guy I’d only seen online, when I hear the sound of coins on the ground. I looked down to find two quarters and a nickel near my foot on the sidewalk. Looking up at the looming tower I realized I was inches from death and convinced that if one of those quarters had penetrated my skull I would have collapsed right here before my date.

When my date arrived I told him the story and he went on and on about terminal velocity and how I wouldn’t have died, blah, blah, blah. I like my story better. It’s much more exiting.

On a seperate date with another guy I met on Match, I arrived at the Empire State Building with him. Waiting in line to go up to the top, I told him about my previous near-death experience below the Empire State Building which, by the way, he also refuted when a security guard asked me to step aside. My date followed and listened as the security guard asked me to put a plastic bag in my purse.

I had no idea what to say or what to think. My date didn’t either and so he only asked the guard’s name and made sure he’d stay with us the whole time. I reluctantly put the plastic bag and its unknown contents in my purse and walked back to the security line worrying that I’d just made one of the stupidest choices of my life.

Just like you would at the airport, I placed my bag in the bin and watched it move along the conveyor belt. I walked through the metal detector keeping an eye on the security guard screening the bags. When he saw my bag, he only laughed and said, “Nice try.” He pulled the plastic grocery bag from my purse, took out a rubber grenade and handed it back to his boss who was waiting patiently beside us.

So ok, they weren’t actually deadly experiences, but could’ve been if I were writing a screenplay.

Recently I received a forwarded e-mail on funny things kids say about dating. This is one of the questions asked.

Q: A first date turns sour. What do you do?
A: I would go home and play dead. The next day I’d want to be in the dead columns so I’d call the newspapers.

Funny thing is that I think there are some adults who might say the same thing.

There are many common mistakes to avoid when trying to get out of a bad date or a second date. I promise it’s easier than playing dead.

Lies: Mistake Number One
Just say, “No thanks on the drink. I’m really not up for it. Cliche as it is, honesty is a good policy and it will save you the guilt.

Excuses: Mistake Number Two
Instead of agreeing to mow your mom’s neighbor’s lawn, just tell the person you don’t want to go out with them again.

Postponements: Mistake Number Three
I don’t have time tonight, can we reschedule next week?

I know I’m guilty of saying this, and then I just don’t call. Say, “Thanks, but no thanks” and avoid the stress that you don’t need.

Don’t Call: Mistake Number Four
If you say you’re going to call, you should do what you say. If you decide to blow that person off, you have a 50/50 chance of that person actually getting the hint. Fifty percent of us will think of every reason possible for not getting a call from you. Like, maybe he lost my number? Maybe I was supposed to call him? Or, maybe he didn’t know what day we planned on? I think its better to not promise the call in the first place, but if you do, say, “It was great, but I’m not going that direction.”

Let’s hope you get voice mail.

Let’s Be Friends: Mistake Number Five
I doubt you want to be friends with the guy that clipped his nails in front of the restaurant where you met for dinner. Although asking him to be your friend will soften the blow, don’t say it unless you mean it. Some people will think there is still a chance for something more, and the others might believe that it’s actually true.

Seeing Someone Else: Mistake Number Six
This is the one time it’s alright to lie. You might as well have said, There is someone better than you. Ouch.

Go Anyway: Mistake Number Seven
It’s even harder to get out of a third date than to get out of the last half of the first or the second date altogether. Cut your ties sooner, it’s better.

A lot of times you don’t have to explain why you don’t want another date. But if you do, just be honest. It’s perfectly fine to not like someone after a date with or without a good reason.