Dating Tales

I had an online romance a couple years back that I’m reminded of from time to time when I hear about perverts with camera phones. Sounds strange, I know, but after being introduced to a topless woman via camera phone let’s just say I’ve been a little scarred.

It was our second date after a short week or ten days on phone and e-mail. I met him on EliteMate.com and we quickly had a connection. He had a great sense of humor and seemed to be really interested, at least until the camera phone incident.

We were at an Irish Pub in my neighborhood enjoying a good ol’ Irish beer when he decides to tell me about his day off. He talked about how he surfs early in the morning and then naps on the beach until about 11 or so. Today, however, he was there a little longer because of this girl who was laying out topless.

I didn’t scowl, I just sat and listened acting completely interested all the while wondering if he realized what he was saying. My wonderment soon ended when he pulled out his phone to show me a picture of her… bare boobies and all. He did know what he was doing and that was clear when he said, “This is probably my first mistake, huh?”

First and last buddy.

A well-written profile is equivalent to having good table manners on a first date. If you don’t pay attention to the basics in dating either online or offline, you could miss out on a romantic connection.

The analogy of table manners is the same as having an organized and logical profile. Now this doesn’t need to be an eloquent five-paragraph essay, but just like in meeting someone face to face you have only seconds to impress that person. So choose your words wisely. Avoid swearing or using slang (at least use them sparingly), stick to point, and don’t bore your reader with details.

More importantly, be creative.

Don’t describe yourself in a cliche or generic way. Read the profiles of ten women and men in your area with characteristics similar to yours. Research your written profile by searching out your competitors. In reading these profiles list the things those people mention and notice the pattern, for example, does almost everyone mention travel, interesting books or movies, and Chinese food? Be sure not to include those items in your own profile. Be different.

Similarly find ten men or women whose profiles you like the most and would be interested in getting to know. Again, read each profile carefully and make a list of the things he or she writes about. You should definitely mention any unique interests that you share in your own profile.

The point is that you want to make a good impression so that your potential connections read all of your profile, and are motivated to contact you. You can woo this person later in your e-mails, but for right now just get them interested.

For more dating tips and to sign up for the DatingTales Profile Writing Service visit the DatingTales Online Dating Guide.

It’s free for everyone and it does not discriminate! The problem: it does not discriminate.

Craigslist is a great dating opportunity if you have a strong stomach and are up for an interesting read. You will have to weed out a lot of scary and boring offers, but it’s definitely an option for you.

Here are few tips if you chose to explore Craigslist:

1) Whatever you do don’t give out your last name or phone number in your profile and avoid those that do. If your e-mail address includes your last name, consider creating an address that does not.

2) Don’t be discouraged by the raunchy or overly aggressive profiles. While you shouldn’t contact those people, understand that there are a few good ones out there and you shouldn’t give up too easy.

3) Don’t ignore profiles because he or she doesn’t have a photo. Because Craigslist is so public I can understand why someone would choose not to post one. Just make sure to ask for a photo after you’ve exchanged a few e-mails.

4) Just because its Craigslist doesn’t mean you can write like crap. Same rules apply as in other online dating profiles. Be creative and to the point. If you need help writing a profile, use the DatingTales Writing Service.

5) None of these individuals have been screened so before meeting this person face to face, do a little screening of your own. A Google search or a PeopleSearch may help give you an insight, however its not 100% so be careful no matter what you do.

I struggle with gift giving, but when it comes to buying holiday gifts for someone I’ve just started dating, I’m helpless. I think the first step is to feel the other person out. Find out if he is big into holidays by asking generic questions about holiday plans and family traditions. Depending on how excited he responds you might be able to figure out how serious he is about trading gifts.

The next step is to eliminate the thought of anything romantic or long term. Two tickets to a concert next spring might be a little over the top since that would require him to be dating you four months from now. Don’t freak him out. Keep it realistic.

Here are a few ideas for those of you out there gift shopping for your new man that won’t scare him or break your budget.

The Swaba Solar Jar

JBuds Hi-Fi Noise-Reducing Ear Buds

Victorinox Swiss Army Champion Plus

Chappelle’s Show - Season 1

Rage Against the Machine

Wilson F1625 NCAA Supreme Game Football (Official Size)

Marilyn Monroe Sweet Dreams Accent “Pillow”

We all have been in a situation where we look back and say we should’ve known our ex was an abuser, a cheater, or a jerk. It’s easy to do in hindsight. I know because I’ve done it at least 18 times.

The reality is that because we liked the guy we justified the red flag so much so that it became more pink than red. That may be OK to do sometimes, but be honest with yourself. If, in fact, the flag is very red, then don’t ignore it and get out before it’s too late. Here are five examples of red flags:

1. Too rough. If even when playing around he grabs you too hard, twists an arm, or pushes you, he’s no good. A respectful person will never try to hurt his partner, even when they are just playing around.

2. “Who’s that guy?” syndrome. Chances are that if you get 20 questions over seemingly unimportant parts of your day that he is insecure. Everyone is a little jealous, even in a healthy relationship, but know the difference between a little and a lot of jealousy. If he puts you down or accuses you of things, then consider it a red flag.

3. Listen to your sister. There are exceptions to this rule, but know that your family and friends love you and want what is best for you. If someone close to you doesn’t like him, at least consider what they have to say about your new man.

4. What happened to the things you used to do? It’s natural to fall in love and have a few of your priorities change. You may spend less time on your hobbies or see your friends less, but don’t eliminate these things entirely. Consider it a red flag if your significant other makes you feel guilty for doing things on your own or prevents you from spending time with your friends.

5. One minute he’s sweet, the next he’s scary. Instability makes you worry about what kind of mood he’ll be in once you get home or about rearranging your day just to make him happy. The reality is that you should be with someone that is stable and who treats you well all the time.

Visit the DatingTales online dating guide for more tips like these, because these five red flags only scratch the surface.