Dating Tales

I’ve been broken up with in many ways and it’s been awful every time. I’m sure that’s how it is for most of us since there’s no great, easy way to do it. But there are things you can do to make it respectful and a little easier to cope with.

Show respect for the other person and yourself and break-up face to face. Don’t be fearful of doing the break-up while looking that person in the eye.

Pick a mutually comfortable spot and don’t break-up in a public place. With very few other people around, you won’t fall apart with total strangers watching. There’s nothing worse.

A long meal could be too much to endure with anger and tears overcoming the person, so keep the meeting short. Better off for every one is a quick break-up date.

Avoid the cliché and don’t say the following: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” and “It’s not you, it’s me.”

White lying is OK. Recognize when it’s proper to save the other person’s feelings. Now is the time to stick to the real reason the relationship is ending, not to pick her or him apart with all the little things that drive you crazy, like eating habits and movie preferences.

Don’t compare the other person to cars, food, ex’s, vacations, and so on. Avoid analogies and just say “I don’t see this going anywhere” or “I think we’d both be happier with someone else.”

Going your separate ways really is best. You can be done after you call once. Say hello and that you’re sorry, but no more. Dragging out a break-up might give the other person hope for reconciliation when there is none.

An anonymous visitor recently left this comment on my post Bad Compliments a Man Can Give a Woman:

I am looking for some advice regarding complimenting women. There is a woman that works at a grocery store. Everytime that I go in there we are always making eye contact with each other. I have only talked to her once but I want to get her number. I am a good looking guy and have confidence, but I don’t want to come across the wrong way. I want to show her that I am genuine and sincere.

What I am asking is, if I told her that I have seen many places and many faces but none as beautiful as you. And that I can tell by looking at you that there is more than meets the eyes.

Would that come across as weird to most women? I know that all women are different, and each and every situation is different, but I am just looking for some general advice.

Thanks

**********************

Dear Anonymous:

First of congratulations on wanting to compliment a woman you are interested in. That is the first step to impressing her. However, you’re trying too hard. She might think your “seen many faces and places” line is a bit too contrived. Chances are she’s noticed you too so why not try to incorporate something about the grocery store into your pick-up line.

For instance, you could tell her she has nice peaches and hand her two peaches.

OK, maybe that’s not the best idea, but it would be funny.

Instead you could just be totally honest. Walk right up to her and say, “I shop here regularly and have been trying to build up the courage to talk to you for awhile. My name is Anonymous and I’d like to take you to dinner/coffee/movie/drink (whatever you like to do) and get to know you better. Here is my phone number. I hope you call.”

The key here is not to pressure her at that moment. She might just say no because she’s taken so off guard. And, if she doesn’t call right away that doesn’t mean she won’t further down the road. When you are in the grocery store say hi and smile, whether she calls or not.

Good luck Anonymous. I’m sure you will do great.

I’ve had many bad first kisses in my time. For that matter, I’ve had plenty of bad second, third, and fourth kisses too. One of the worst kisses involved an injury.

Like many first kisses, it was precluded by lots of drinks at a club. The overhead lights were dim and the black lights and disco balls were in full affect. With both of these two factors in action it was near impossible to tell a cute guy from the next, but in my drunk state, I was confident the man with me dancing was gorgeous.

A few more trips to the bar for beers and I started liking this guy more and more. When we snuggled in the back booth to make out I was delighted (it must have been the beers), but when my tongue braised the bottom of his teeth my delight faded. I couldn’t help but notice the sharp edges of two of his teeth. Seconds later I felt one of those sharp edges pierce the tip of my tongue.In pain, I flinched and pulled away feeling the taste buds on my tongue vibrate with the music. I tried to recover, but it just couldn’t be done. Moments later the lights came on and revealed the man in his full glory. Turns out this man was more gorgeous than I thought.

The pain magically subsided, and I went back in for another kiss, but not before he smiled and I noticed those teeth. Those pointy, sharp, and about as yellow as I’ve ever seen teeth.

I’m no tooth model and I recognize I sound superficial, but the beautiful brown locks and glistening blue eyes could not make up for the oral hygiene.

Here’s a dating tip for those that need it: caps and bleach could get you a second make-out session. Try Ivory White teeth whitener. Note: if you sign up for Ivory White, the product will automatically be shipped to you and your credit card automatically charged. Don’t blame me, just thank me for your second make out session.

A friend of mine met a guy online and had several great dates with him. After date three she Googled him and discovered through a professional bio that he had two kids. His profile said nothing about kids and at no time during all three dates did he mention kids or ex-wives.

She was in a predicament. Should she confront him angrily and let him know what she had been up to or should she just wait for him to come clean? She tried waiting, but after a few phone calls and the fourth date he said nothing. Even more annoyed now, she finally brought it up in an e-mail. After that, no response at all.

This is a great example of how Googling can either hurt you, help you, or both. However you decide to deal with your search engine of choice, just be prepared for the consequences. You may learn things he didn’t disclose and should have, or you might you might find that he contradicts himself. The tip: be honest about your doings and if you Google him, tell him you did.

Another dating tip for you is to avoid a full-blown online investigation. You might be inclined to look for him on every social networking site that exists. No doubt this is one way to get to know a person, but it’s not exactly authentic. This is where it starts to border on stalking so I suggest holding off on the intense background searches until he tells you where he has online profiles. At this point it seems more like an invitation rather than a police investigation.

The internet is an excellent tool for educating ourselves and though we’re all normal for wanting to know more about the people in our lives, don’t take it too far. Happy Googling.

Most of us find it very challenging to write on the inside of a card. Not just a Valentine’s Day card, but any card. What do you say and how do you say it? How do you make your message sound meaningful and memorable as opposed to just saying “I love you” or “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Here are a few ideas that you should feel free to take exactly as they are written here, 0r you can modify the message to fit whomever you are giving your Valentine’s Day card to. We won’t tell.

I didn’t know that Valentine’s Day could be so special until I spent one with you

If only Saint Valentine knew…

Give me an I, Give me an L, Give me a U, Give me a V, Give me U - I LUV U.

Without you, V-Day would seem black. Thank you for making it red.

Here’s to a special day, a fun date, and a romantic evening.

Valentine’s Day is wonderful, but every other day is just as wonderful with you in it. Thank you for making every day a “heart” day.

A promise. Today won’t be the only day I tell you how much you mean to me.

A toast. Here is to many more Valentine’s Days together.

What do you get when you take you, me, a pot roast, and a Thursday night Lifetime movie? The answer: a perfect Valentine’s Day.

And if you are looking for even more inspiration, visit the DatingTales Compliments Sound Board.