Dating Tales

Last summer my friend Jess went on a date with someone she met on SinglesNet.com. True to any first date she was nervous and anxious to get it over with, but also psyched about meeting this hotty for real.

His profile looked great and she was optimistic about at least having an interesting conversation about all his travels to South America, where her family is from. She was also looking forward to the excellent food at the sports bar where they agreed to meet. Her favorite.

Unfortunately, though, he wasn’t that interested in talking about his travels at all. He was much more interested in the car she drove, where she drove it, and what she’d prefer to be driving.

Jess, not really knowing much about cars and not even having a “dream car,” decided out of nervousness to tell him about her insistence to not use air conditioning because it uses too much gas. This did not sit well with the car enthusiast and so he went on to tell her that the drag created by having the windows rolled down burned just as much if not more gas than having the air conditioning on.

Fair enough. But instead of just letting it go and moving on to the next subject he said that he didn’t think their date was going well and so he wanted to leave.

Maybe if auto knowledge is so important to him he should quiz his potential dates before they meet. Just a suggestion.

I had an online romance a couple years back that I’m reminded of from time to time when I hear about perverts with camera phones. Sounds strange, I know, but after being introduced to a topless woman via camera phone let’s just say I’ve been a little scarred.

It was our second date after a short week or ten days on phone and e-mail. I met him on EliteMate.com and we quickly had a connection. He had a great sense of humor and seemed to be really interested, at least until the camera phone incident.

We were at an Irish Pub in my neighborhood enjoying a good ol’ Irish beer when he decides to tell me about his day off. He talked about how he surfs early in the morning and then naps on the beach until about 11 or so. Today, however, he was there a little longer because of this girl who was laying out topless.

I didn’t scowl, I just sat and listened acting completely interested all the while wondering if he realized what he was saying. My wonderment soon ended when he pulled out his phone to show me a picture of her… bare boobies and all. He did know what he was doing and that was clear when he said, “This is probably my first mistake, huh?”

First and last buddy.

A friend of mine is having trouble incorporating food into her dates. It seems that either she plans for it and then is surprised to be without it, or she loses all sense when it comes to making decisions about it.

Date Number One: A young hippy neighbor invites her out on a dinner date. She’s surprised when he shows up at her apartment dressed in pressed khaki. She’s taken off guard again when he drives her 30 minutes away to a very nice restaurant she had only heard about.

At this point she feels very under dressed and nervous because the man before her is not the casual “dude” from around the corner. Now he’s this well put together grown-up with intellectual ambitions. Someone she actually has to impress.

When the waiter to take their order she is not focused and uncertain what to order. She finally decides on a steak and when asked how she would like it cooked she responded, “hot.”

He never asked her out again.

Date Number Two: Starving after a long day at work, my friend rushed to her date’s apartment all the way across town. She was supposed to be there at 6:30 for what she assumed would be dinner, but actually turned out to be coffee.

Too embarrassed to tell the man she was starving and would be willing to lick the crumbs off his plate from that morning’s breakfast, she decided to agree to go to the coffee shop. She figured she could somehow work in a biscotti or two to tide her over.

The man would not shut up and the two biscottis that she did manage to scarf down were not enough. Starved and bored, her blood sugar had dropped and again she could not focus or think clearly. She doesn’t remember the last 20 minutes of the date.

Needless to say, she never agreed to another date with him again. A girl’s gotta eat!

For decades this question has gone unanswered and it’s time we settle the issue. I’d like to know and I know you, the reader and dater, want to know too. Who should pay for the first date?

For me, this inquiry was recently brought up after a friend and I discussed an awkward date with a very cheap man. You actually know part of this “missed connection” story because I told it in my “Women Picking Up Men, It’s a Beautiful Thing” post.

The good news is that my friend did go on a date with the cute boy from Craigslist, but the bad news is that he was weird about the bill. So weird, in fact, that she won’t go out with him again.

The story goes like this: At the end of the date she went for her credit card expecting him to say, “No, no. I got it.” When he didn’t say anything she was still OK with paying half because in her mind that was perfectly fair anyway.

But things got weird when he started adding up what was hers (1 beer and 1 burger) and what was his (1 burger). After totaling his amount owed, he opened up his wallet for her to see that there were at least 10, very crisp, twenty dollar bills inside. To make matters worse, he left a $1 tip.

The feminist in me says that women should be willing to pay for half or all of the bill, but then the traditionalist in me says that I should be wined and dined. What do you think? Answer the poll and leave your comments with your ideas. It’s time we settle this issue once and for all.

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This has been circulating around the internet and because it’s quite hilarious, I though I’d share.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. He found a woman with this story…

She said it was midwinter. Snowing and quite cold. And the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah, for a day skiing. No overnights. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started to pee.

In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.

All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about ‘what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

The best part of it all?

They fell in love and he became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.