When to Wink, When Not to Wink

Knowing when to wink and when to e-mail someone you like online is an important thing to know. Every online dating service has a different method for winking, but the concept is the same. You don’t want to e-mail that person, but you want to let him or her know you’re interested so you wink. The hope is that the feeling will be mutual and that person will be brave enough to e-mail you.

After winking any number of things could happen, but a lot of times nothing happens. There is no wink, no e-mail, maybe a profile view but even that’s not guaranteed, and no love connection. The solution is in three parts.

First, wink in moderation. Some people wink using the law of large numbers. It’s assumed that the more winks given the chances of someone (anyone) e-mailing back is higher. But this isn’t helping; all this does is create confusion in the world of winking. Spamming the online dating site with a fake interest in others defeats the purpose.

Second, wink because you mean it. There’s no way to know for sure if you will like the person you are winking at, but something from his or her profile should peak your interest. Every individual’s scale of interest is different, but one great way to know there might be a spark is if there is something in their profile you are truly curious about. For instance, a book they read, a country they visited, or the origins of their name. Whatever it is, you should be prepared for some e-mail conversation if it comes your way.

Third, be the one to e-mail. If someone winks at you, don’t just wink back—e-mail back. Maybe you’re interested, maybe you’re not, but either way it’s a nice courteous way to keep the effectiveness of “the wink” in check.

The official Dating Tales stance is to keep winking at a minimum and e-mailing at a maximum. Many online daters are timid and won’t e-mail out of fear. What happens is a round robin of winking with no real connection. Be brave and go right for the e-mail. You’ll be noticed and people are more likely to respond to an e-mail than a wink anyway.

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