For decades this question has gone unanswered and it’s time we settle the issue. I’d like to know and I know you, the reader and dater, want to know too. Who should pay for the first date?
For me, this inquiry was recently brought up after a friend and I discussed an awkward date with a very cheap man. You actually know part of this “missed connection” story because I told it in my “Women Picking Up Men, It’s a Beautiful Thing” post.
The good news is that my friend did go on a date with the cute boy from Craigslist, but the bad news is that he was weird about the bill. So weird, in fact, that she won’t go out with him again.
The story goes like this: At the end of the date she went for her credit card expecting him to say, “No, no. I got it.” When he didn’t say anything she was still OK with paying half because in her mind that was perfectly fair anyway.
But things got weird when he started adding up what was hers (1 beer and 1 burger) and what was his (1 burger). After totaling his amount owed, he opened up his wallet for her to see that there were at least 10, very crisp, twenty dollar bills inside. To make matters worse, he left a $1 tip.
The feminist in me says that women should be willing to pay for half or all of the bill, but then the traditionalist in me says that I should be wined and dined. What do you think? Answer the poll and leave your comments with your ideas. It’s time we settle this issue once and for all.
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6 Comments
The problem with “whomever asks for the date should pay” is that who is always expected to ask? Ladies, what’s the ratio of men who ask women out to women who ask men out?
The problem with women who want to lean on the old-fashioned/chivalrous or “it’s just traditional” way of thinking is that they’re saying “we want equality, just not when dating.” That’s the proverbial ‘cake and eat it too’ attitude that sets back women’s true equality movement.
If a woman claims a man should pay for a date because it’s “tradition” and the way it’s always been done and its expected, etc, few would jump down her throat for thinking that way. But if the man wanted to bring up his ‘expectations’ and “tradition”, i.e. that she will clean, cook, defer to him, and sleep with him, all of a sudden, he’s a misogynist pig.
See the hypocrisy?
I see your point completely McGrunt. It’s a tough thing for the modern woman who wants to be progressive but treated like a queen too.
I think that women should be asking more men out, should be paying for more dates, and I also think they should be making more money.
How do we make this happen?
… and who is always expected to ask?
I see you have a strong opinion on this, McGrunt. I think its safe to say that most women want men to do the asking; not because its an equality thing, but because its a scary thing.
But that’s not ALL women. I have plenty of girlfriends that have done a bit of asking themselves.
It’s the 21st Century. Women have jobs. Women are equals and are able to make their own way in the world as professionals of all types. This is not the middle ages. Women won the vote in every industrialized democracy and have even been the leaders of many of the G8 countries. Is that clear enough for you?
All that being said…ummm…err….
…the man pays.
Who should pay for the first date?
The only fair answer and the one that will leave no one feeling obligated to engage in favors later on, is that they should each pay for their own bill or decide ahead of time to split the total cost evenly. A date is between two people, not one. She is present just a much as he is. Why should the man be forced to pay for everything? Personally, a woman that accepts a man paying for the total cost of a date is asking for trouble. He will never respect you as his equal and will not only expect to get something more than just your company for the money he spent on you, he will feel that you owe him more. He will feel that he has bought the right to sleep with you that night. Though most men will not admit it. They do.
Once the two of you actually enter into a serious relationship and are committed to one another. One person paying for a date is fine as long both are in agreement of it. Feelings of obligation are the one thing that a man feels most resentful and angry towards a woman for. Women can avoid this by asking themselves, “Would I think it’s fair if I was expected to pay for the total cost of our date?”
And to build on ‘expectations’ and “tradition”, if women want to follow that way, then they would be more like domestic and sexual servants than girlfriends or wives. They seem to want equality without the sacrifices and responsibilities of that equality. If you want to be equal to a man, you must be will to hold yourself to a man’s standard. If you are not willing to do that than you must stay in your own standard as a woman.
Personally, I believe men and women aren’t meant to be equals. Otherwise, men and women would both have a jimmy and twin stones to bear. Their is a reason why man is equipped with the pole and woman with the hole. Man is dominant and woman is submissive. He leads, she follows. Pick up a religious text and this is very evident. People who practice this enjoy a full, loving and long-lasting marriage. Otherwise, divorce is eminent. There can be only one commander per army. One king per castle. One man/head per household. When women push and attempt to share this spot with a man, he is going to slip and eventually fall of his pedestal. A man off his pedestal is an empty shell.
Overall, men and women should learn to be happy, satisfied, and comfortable with staying in their own place. Period.
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[...] months ago I asked, who should pay on a first date? Quite a few of you answered and I think the answer is pretty clear. Whoever asks for the date [...]