Dating a Doctor: Pros and Cons
by Sara on October 9, 2007
The dream of many, the lifestyle of few; Many women strive to meet a cute doctor, but it’s not all Club Med and hospital corners. There are a few cons that go along with the pros.
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CONS |
- He will make you Prozac and pancakes for breakfast
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- He’ll leave you love notes, but you won’t be able to read his handwriting
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- You can drive his Mercedes
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- You will have all the necessary props for a game of “Doctor”
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- No more doctor visits for a cold
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- He will constantly be diagnosing you
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- Your kids will pronounce “stethoscope” before other kids
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- Your single friends will always ask you to set them up
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- You’ll be able to afford your dream house
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Molly-
I’m so sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine what you had to go thru.
As far as the doc, good riddance! Funny that he was older, and yet so damn immature. Lol… and u felt the effects in bed! lmao
How is the new city going for you? Have u taken up dating yet??
Hi Paro & Molly
Molly my heart goes out to you… I am really really sorry for what you had to go through.. Its painful… but I am so sure that you’re gonna find someone worth you soon… the harder the trials… the sweeter the prize.. I hate that heart surgeon.. and I’m glad you’re over it… God bless you……..
@ Paro… thanks for asking
… Its refreshing to read about someone who is actually seeing a decent doctor 
and like you said his parents are happily married… i wish you to be the same too… I believe in marriage as the sacred relationship which leads to a happily ever after 
as far as I’m concerned… I am getting married in a week… and I’m FREAKING OUT… partly because I’d be leaving my family and going to a different world… different culture… and partly (huge part) about the intimacy… I cant talk about it to anyone … does it sound lame… m so scared…… lolz…
better stop before i write something embarrassing
and TuLady
I wish you find the good one and forget the pain you’ve been through
Yes there are bad guys…. there always are… there are bad girls too… but there’s good out there too
Oh wow!!! Its Been ages since I stopped over at DOCville. Manatasha congratulations on ur marriage, don’t worry about d bedrrom. I’m sure u guys will be compartible n just fine. I’m back lol. My Doc is amazing!!! He is just adorable, we hv had our fair if ups n downs, between dating on and off 4 2.5yrs. Pls ladies pray for us, I know we will end up together, I can sense it! I don’t wanna say too much just incase I jinx it but I’m very optimistic. Good luck, I will visit again. Ciao x
Hi ladies!!
I’m so glad i found you guys. Dating a doc is no childs play and its not like dating other guys in other fields.
Take, for example, me having to leave my family also. I would love for him to be there for me 24/7 through this, be my crutch and my best friend through all this. BUT, he’s studying for step 3!! There’s no way he can devote as much attention as someone with a 9-5 job could.
It took me a little longer to realize this, but you learn to adjust, as long as its all worth it to you.
@Mantasha,
I can totally relate girl! I’m from India so I know how the cultural thing works with intimacy. But, he’s a doc! At least you know he knows his anatomy! Lol! But seriously, you’ll be fine on that front so don’t worry.
How did you guys meet? How do you feel about him? I hope he treats you well, cuz you just sound great thru your posts here!
@Shysty,
Good luck! I’m sure we all need it, who are dating doctors! Ha! I’m sure things will work out fine for you guys tho.
@ Shysty
.. so i think im rightfully freaking out … lolz…
Thanks for the support … but you know the situation about stuff like this in East especially India & Bangladesh is reallyreally different
Best of luck to you though… i’m really glad you are having a healthy relationship… and so rare it is… so its really refreshing to hear about it…
@Paro..
Wow… thanks Paro for sharing something I can actually relate to feeling right now… I feel ABSOLUTELY the same way… leaving my parents is a huge deal for me… and there’s stuff you cant talk to anyone about… and fears… lolz… this forum has been such a great emotional outlet for me… and having to see someone who went through what i’m going through and still be happy is a relief… hehe… BEST OF LUCK
If you dont mind… can u drop me a line at manogul1984@gmail.com… If you dont mind… i would use some emotional support right now… hehe… by the way I’m from Bangladesh
…
Hi Girls! How’s everything going?? Mantasha, I trust your wedding and honeymoon went great?
Well, I have moved and started my new job. My doc apparently was sad to see me go. He quit his job. It was really foolish of him, those surgeon positions don’t exactly grow on trees. He’s taking time off, and all that idle time is making him crazy. He emailed me and called me a bunch. I went back to my old house last weekend and he met me there. Wow, that was fun! And the next day when I left, he called me and went on and on about how he missed me. That he is “not the settling down type,” but that he “will always be there for me.” Very out of character for him. I think it just shows how miserable he is if he’s not working.
Hi Molly,
So why did he quit?? To be with you or for another reason??
Anyway how was your move? Hope everything went well.
I gotta say, I hate it when guys use the “I’m not the settling down type, but….” Really? Come on. I just find it so immature as if they are stuck in a phase of their life or they don’t want to grow up. But, thats just me.
My doc is still studying for his step 3. And doing well in his resident year. It’s tough being with someone who’s life is studying for steps or resident exams. But he’s great and still tries.
Hi Paro,
So your doc has one more year of residency? I’ve forgotten all that stuff. Hang in there, he is a sweetie I’m sure!
My doc didn’t like the location, he liked having me nearby though. And with me gone, it was just the last straw, he was ready to move on. But he needs to be doing surgery, without it he has very little identity. Hopefully he can get a position closer to his teenager, who needs a father around.
I have been dating a doctor/surgeon for almost a year. I could have never fathomed the amount of hours he would have to devote to work. How does a girl manage to deal with these types of schedules? If I had known it would have been like this — I would have been more hesitant about getting involved. At this point, I have fallen in love with him… and he shares the same for me. He speaks of marriage and having children together. I am tickled to think that we have that to look forward to. But I can’t help thinking that I will be that of a single mom feeling. He works late each night and does not get in until after 10 .. sometimes later. Then on the weekends he still works each day. On the rare occassion we will find time for dinner. At the beginning of the relationship we would go out a couple of times a week for music or dinner and it was nice — at the time I was not expecting to spend more time with him – especially since it was a new relationship. As time progressed,… instead of spending more time together we tend to spend less. I try to be understanding. I truly do. I have spoken to him a couple of times about carving out some time for us. He agrees – but it never seems to come to fruition. I feel hurt and lonely at times. More than I would even like to admit. I also work and have a career — but when I leave work at 500 I am done for the day and have my weekends free. I just don’t want to push him away. I have never been in a relationship with someone who had to obligate so much time to work. He reassures me that at least he is home every night — whereas many people have jobs where they are out of town for extended amounts of time. I realize this … and am thankful that I have yet to experience this type of situation. I just want to know if this much work is normal for a surgeon. Can someone please shed some light on this situation for me. I am very supportive of him and I don’t want to come across as whinning. I just want to know what to expect – so I can have a full-clear picture of what I am potentially getting myself in – if he and I are to further this relationship. Thanks!
Hi Katie,
Welcome to the club:-P Yes, my surgeon (cardio vascular/thoracic) is gone out of town probably 5 months out of the year. I had cut my hopes down to having him come home to me, whenever that is. I was ambivalent from the start and knew what I was getting into. You’re “lucky” that your doc shows up in bed at some point every night. But you don’t feel lucky from what I gather. You want to be part of a couple! Me too! I know of lots of wives of surgeons who become alcoholics. I was not terribly taken with the future I saw with my doc. I took a job in another state in part to force myself away from him. It’s not working so great yet. We are still in contact with each other. He quit his job when I moved away. So now he is thinking about his personal life more, which is very unnatural for him. Since he’s not working, he’s not doing surgery, which is the thing he loves to do most. I don’t know if he really wants to get more time with me– he could come live with me? Or if he is anxious because he’s not doing surgery. It’s a bit of both I guess. I’ve never had to break off a relationship because I thought it was decreasing my chances of a happy life, until now. I hate being a cynic about love!
Hi Katie,
Yes. Doctors do spend that much time at work. Surgeons especially. You don’t mention if he is in residency or what kind of surgery he’s specialized in. It also makes a difference.
But in general, all doctors have to spend that much time on their career, especially the first 10-15 yrs.
And I thought too that since I’m able to leave work behind once I’m out the door, why can’t he? But they’re completely different. Their world revolves around their work, which is to save lives, in one shape or another. It’s a hard concept to deal with, but you have to admit it now, not later.
My fiance made it very clear in the beginning that it would be hard. And I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. But as time went on, I found myself giving him more and more of a hard time for not being there for me. And then, I realized that he can’t. And that he’d given me fair warning. So if you think you can deal with that, stick around. If not, get out. And do it fast.
I’ve seen so many of his doctor friends get divorced after 10,15, or more years together. Always because the wife of the doctor realizes she is tired of sacrificing herself and decides to put herself first. It sucks. The kids suffer, and divorce is always hard. I’m glad for myself that I got to see these real life mistakes other people make. It’s fair warning that God is giving me, I think, before making a lifelong commitment with a doctor.
And honestly, even if he wants to, sometimes he just can’t carve out that time to spend together. So good luck in whatever you decide to do!
Molly and Paro .. thank you for each of your responses. To be honest with you I felt quite tearful to even see a response to my post. I think I have been in a bit of denial for some time as to the reality of my current situation. I have always been the first to excuse my love for the hurt that I feel. Even posting my thoughts earlier this evening… it is as if I am admitting that the problem exists in the first place. I feel as if I have been living for the thought of what I think our relationship will become. …at least what I would like for it to be in my mind. I don’t even feel as if I am asking for much. I waited over 2 months for him to even be able to schedule an evening to come over early so that I could make dinner for him. …and when he finally was able to commit to a date he informed me that he would have to come over and sleep first – as he was going to be exhausted. …. I try to understand… but it is hard. I grew up in a family where my parents were both home each night and we always had dinner together. So – this particular setup/schedule is truly difficult/foreign if you will to me. I suppose I am looking for a best friend…and in him I feel that I have found it…. but I am unable to share with him. I don’t want to be a nag …so I time my conversations wisely….and don’t put up too much of a fuss. … but he knows just the same. When I talk to my girlfriends…occassionally about the situation they are so quick to tell me to move on and that there is no way that someone could be on the up and up and work that much. Yet, – I am the one whom he confides in and I do know and understand that his schedule is truly that hectic. He has been practicing for about 15 years and is in a pretty busy practice at that.
The one thing that I find hard — in the past — if I have been in a relationship that was not working – whether it be that the guy was a jerk – or something almost tangible in the negative sense, – it was easy to walk away. This situation poses a different dilemma in the sense that the only thing that is hard is that there does not seem to be enough time. I have a hard time ending something because of that sole reason. I could go around the block about this all day… with the ending conclusion probably being – that I just need to decide what is right for me and what I can live with. — with that being said… I go back and forth a couple of times a day as to whether I could live this type of life. …to the point I get drained and just don’t even want to think about it anymore. I know that noone can answer these questions for me. But — it does feel nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you very much for your responses… they meant a lot to me. You two were honest with me and I appreciate that.
Katie,
It is really hard. And it gets harder. The beginning is the easy part! I don’t want to scare you, but I think it’s so important to realize this now, rather than later.
The first time I came on this site, I felt the same way. None of the people in my life knew what I was going through, because they weren’t dating a doctor. My girlfriends were dating “normal” guys working “normal” hours. So if I were to complain to them, they’d tell me to walk away. But, its different. And I was looking for a place/site to affirm what I was feeling and kind of guide me.
I have done a lot of thinking on whether he and I should be together, on whether I am able to always be understanding and always put his career first (because that’s how it has to be. They never want to give up their career.) Like I said, I saw a lot of his doctor-friends’ marriages fall apart and it opened my eyes. I don’t want to be that woman at the age of 40 who realizes she is tired of always being understanding and ends the marriage, with young kids involved. So… I have thought long and hard about my decision. I have tried to be brutally honest with myself.
If I’m feeling especially bad, I tell him. I am so scared of putting all of myself into this one person, knowing what I know about the demands of his career. It’s like trying to find my way in the dark; I’ve never done this before. I’ve told him all this, and it helps to vocalize it and just to be able to say “I’m scared.” He is my best friend. And what he and I have is so special, I honestly feel that I had been missing a part of me all my life, and when I met him, I met the completed me.
But, its so hard. It’s so hard to always be understanding to the demands of his job on every aspect of his life. It’s been 6 months since I suggested we go to the movies, and we have yet to go. And that’s a little thing.
I guess it helps that we try to keep things light and have a sense of humor about them. And it also helps that I’d much rather we work hard right now, when we’re young, than when we’re 55 and still can’t find the time to see each other because of hectic work schedules. And just realizing what it is you can live with, and what you can’t. Those little annoyances right now can become major headaches later on. You just have to be completely honest with yourself and your doc. And also, I tend to be optimistic about things. And maybe it’s because I’m young or that I’m in love (or both!), but I feel that it’s worth it, for me in this relationship to be with him. Not the same for everyone, I know.
MollY::
How are you? How’s it going for you since the move? And you guys are still in touch?? I am shocked that he’s still sane without his career there for him!? I know how much he was saying he loved it and would never leave it.
Anyway, have you met anyone else? Please don’t let him keep you from finding happiness with the right person. It sounds like he’s emotional right now, and using your friendship to lean on. Which would be fine, IF you guys were just friends, but you’re not. And please don’t let him turn you into a cynic. Don’t let him have that kind of hold on you.
You sound really sweet and I’m sure if you cleared your mind and heart, someone worthy would come your way!
Dateing a doctor isn’t easy at all. Recently i’ve felt alone even when he’s here because he just works and sleeps. How do you know if its worth staying?
Hi Alicia-
Sorry about your situation and membership in this sad club
How do you know if it’s worth staying? Such a hard question. Can you find happiness elsewhere? Then if I were you, I would try the elsewhere. HOWEVER- I tried that, and yet here I am still talking to him. Yuck. I tried other men without success. I guess I need more time on my own completely first, so I can be more open to another relationship. I tried like crazy, met and dated a few other men who were very nice, attentive, ready to settle down. But I sabotaged myself- I couldn’t get myself attracted to any of them. And the dr. was in the wings waiting. I even asked his advice about one of the guys’ marriage proposal. He gave lots of good advice, it some of the best conversation we’ve had. So he went overseas and said he has a gift he brought back for me, plus “a couple questions” he wants to ask me.
He says he is very much physically attracted to me, but he is a “lone wolf.”
He also said that he wants me to stay with him so that he can marry me when he is ready. Then I get frustrated at how he treats me, and he says I must have some resentment towards him. I can’t believe I am the stupid girl writing this drivel! I
Molly, are you still patiently waiting for your dr. to marry you?
Hi Anon-
Haha! No, I’m trying to get him out of my system. I dated someone else, he was a very good guy who was ready to get married. But I couldn’t do it. We got along great, but the physical attraction was definitely lacking for me.
The first time I got married, I married one person but was still also hung up on someone else. The marriage lasted 5 years, but this other guy got in the way, even though he was 3,000 miles away. So I want to “get him out of my system” so the same thing doesn’t happen again. Ok, I need to go cold turkey I guess, but when he’s around and finding excuses for me to meet with him, it’s hard to resist. Sometimes I can resist, sometimes I can’t.
Hi, I just stumbled upon this site. I started dating a surgeon (2nd year plastics resident) about 2 months ago. We only see each other on Saturdays though because of his schedule but when we are together he is wonderful. I’m very involved already despite his warnings about his schedule and his current situation. In addition to working as a resident, he’s in the process of applying for his fellowship and since he’s not from the US he may have to go back home to Europe after fellowship. The girls he dated here broke up with him because they don’t want to have to move when he goes but if we get to that point (which I hope we do) I would move. My question is, is it normal that he only sees me one night a week? I’ve never dated someone that didn’t have a 9-5 job so I can’t help feeling sad and insecure thinking he doesn’t wanna spend more time with me. I know he’s not dating anyone else cause we’ve discussed that. See, i’m free all weekend and all I want to do is be with him, especially now that we’re in the beginning….I feel so lonely. Do you all feel like that too? Should I take it personal that has no more time for me or is that really how it goes? Thank you, it feels nice to be able to talk about it!
I felt the same way when I first started dating my boyfriend. I had always dated guys who had lots of time for me and when I started dating my boyfriend, my world did a complete 180. I met him when he was starting his third and last year of residency and a month had actually elapsed between our first and second date. Keep in mind that this was in his 3rd year of residency so for you to be able to see him one day a week and he’s in his 2nd year which is way crazier than the 3rd, I’d say that’s pretty good. My boyfriend’s out of residency and is working as an attending but even then I haven’t seen him for two weeks. It is hard but the best advice I can give you is to occupy yourself with something to do or else you will go crazy. lol. In the beginning of our relationship, I did feel insecure and I didn’t know if he was serious about me or if he really was that busy. I can now tell you that a medical resident really is that busy. I know you miss him and trust me, he does miss you as well and if he could be with you, he would. I recently started a blog about my glamorous life as a doctor’s girlfriend (haha change that to hectic) and you’re welcome to follow me on that. Best of luck to you and your surgeon!
Michelle- where can I follow your blog?
Anonymous- yes, one night a week is not unusual. That’s probably the one night a week he sets aside for his personal life, so sometimes he might need to use it for other than dates. If he’s a plastic surgeon, then he won’t necessarily be tied to the hospital all the time. He could have a fairly normal schedule later on IF he wants to. Some get into the constant hospital life and can’t handle normal life by the time they get the chance though, it seems.
Mantasha- are you still around? I saw your older post. You have now married a doctor, so I want to hear how you’re faring
I’ve been with a surgeon for a year. We don’t expect anything much from each other, so neither gets too disappointed. We enjoy time together when we can get it but understand the vast limitations. Just the time we’ve had already has been great, I love to hear his ideas about anything.
Hey Everyone,
I am 23 and I have been dating a surgical resident (29 years old) for the last 4 months. We have had our fair share of ups and downs but I care so much for him. I feel as though if we can get through this we will have a chance. He tries so hard to show me that he cares and sometimes I get frustrated with the not calling. We text everyday but I sometimes just want to hear his voice. Is this too much? I just would like to know if it has gotten better for anyone. I feel like I can spend my life with him but am I being to optimistic? I’ve tried to walk away from him before but he always pulls me back…I’m just confused
…I love this site and thanks for everyone who has shared their experience. It is a great support
Hi KP- Yes, a difficult situation for you. Sometimes it’s hard to talk on the phone at the hospital. Not being “top banana” and also just phone reception problems makes it hard. Texting gets through and those in the immediate vicinity don’t overhear that, and if he’s keeping that up, then you know you’re on his mind. He is probably a singular and steady focus kind of guy, which also works well to get through medical training. So I wouldn’t doubt his focus on you, unless he shows evidence otherwise. If you are very independent and don’t care if he’s home at night, and you don’t mind basically being a single mother, then hang in there. I’m not sure why they start relationships during their residency, but they often have a serious libido. And of course that is a good time when you can get it
But there is lots of long hours and change ahead. Make sure you have a great support system of close family and friends to fill out your life, and you can make it either way it goes.
Thanks for the response Miliani and for reminding me of what is important .My logic is that there are some extra ordinary men and women out there who have accomplished great things. Doctors fall into this category and because they are extraordinary it takes an extraordinary person to be with them. The quote “beside every great man is a great woman” applies here. For me, I want to be that great woman for my surgeon love even if that means holding down the fort alone at times. I look at famous wives of strong men and admire how they hold it together. I am very very independent and as you say I think that helps. I also have a group of friends that support me in all I do. Like you said this is definitely a strategy that helps. So, kudos to all the wives and husbands who strive to support their partners in fulfilling their destiny. I hope to one day be as such.
Thanks for your positive perspective KP! Hopefully yours is a cosmetic surgeon, he’ll have regular hours for the most part.
In my case, I don’t see myself as assisting my great surgeon in any way. In fact, I think I distracted him at some key professional points. But he is accustomed to being on his own, unlike your doctor KP. Would he be a better person as a whole with a woman playing a bigger part in his life? Yes, I think so. But would he do more, better surgeries? No, I don’t actually think so. A well-rounded, emotionally available person would not focus on his work in such an intense way. He is able to have this singular focus because he thrives on it. Otherwise, it would exhaust him and he couldn’t keep doing it. Every person is different of course, “great” ones included.
Hey Everyone,
So are you still with this guy Mililani? You make very good points… I guess my question is because my guy works so often and rarely has time to conversate, how will we ever really get to know one another? I do like him a lot but it feels like sometimes we are moving at a snail’s pace. I just wish we had more time to do stuff and to top it off he lives 3hrs away
Hi All-
Yes, KP I guess you could say I’m still with him. I see other guys. They are happy to keep dating me, so I keep dating, so I can say I’m not wasting time with the surgeon. But when he does call every once in a great while, I hear how happy he is to talk to me, and I am so happy for days after his call. He is the only one I think about se* -wise, though I’ve been with another one since. I winced when you said you are 3 hours from your doctor. But then I’m now 6 hours from mine, so I have no room to talk! And yes, if we spent more time together and get to know each other better, maybe we won’t like each other. It’s just that, he seems to have made up his mind about me from the beginning, very focused and determined. And my attempts to break up with him have obviously not been very genuine. Very odd relationship, but it has been very interesting and rewarding in a lot of odd ways too. So I have stopped questioning it and just enjoy it as it comes now. We both have kids already and are not interested in starting a family, so that is a very different dynamic too. I’m sure whatever you decide, it will work out fine
Mililani,
I think what you said was wise. It reminds me of a quote I read on a liquor bottle (hah I know) “life is a mystery to be lived, not solved”. I think at this point anyone dating a doctor would fall into that “odd” category because the whole relationship is odd and perhaps that adds to the spice of things. So, I will try my best to “enjoy the ride” and quit questioning all the time…can’t wait to see how this whole thing turns out…
My situation is driving me up a wall. We’ve been dating for about a month and at first he gave me attention but now that we’ve made things official its like i get to see him once in a while. I should mention he’s a 2nd year resident in (cardiology surgery). I usually do most of the texting and he text back when he gets time but I’m so frustrated its driving me crazy. I’ve been feeling so lonely and wondering if I should just let it all go. I feel like now that he knows I’m his girlfriend he’s comfortable enough to just be busy and text me whenever… I need some advice am I being a baby or should I just let it go?
Hi, I haven’t been around for awhile karma is a witch! After I decided that I would move on a year ago, I met not one but two more doctor’s.. One was closer to my age and the other ten years younger. The older one seemed more anxious to move things along, I did a bit if research and found out I was dating someone married, the younger doctor has a son and I felt an attachment with Jr, but couldn’t open up with Sr. I decided it was way too much drama and moved on again. I know there is something in my personality or karma that keeps drawing me to this type of situation. The only major difference with the last two doctor’s, and the one I love, He was much younger and I wasn’t in the care of either of the last two doctors and I did not feel the chemistry or level of closeness that I had with the doctor that I had been intimate with for two years. I think that I am still carrying that torch. I can’t go back to that kind of life, I’m older, Can any of you see yourself two years from now still waiting and rushing every other day for a text or page. I wouldn’t advise anyone who needs a close one on one relationship to date a doctor its easier dating a musician, but they don’t have those gentle hands. I’m lucky that I have my own business and charities to occupy my time until my love life improves. Wishes you all tons of patience, luck and fun.
Hi Tweete- I think it’s hard to find a man who is well-traveled, intelligent, with that certain confident air, and who knows what life boils down to. So doctors are an easy fall-back plan. I know there are plenty out there outside of medicine, they’re just harder to spot so easily. You can probably guess with 80% accuracy just by looking at him if he’s a doctor, right? Horrible addiction! I have been known to criticize others for a lack of will power, so I guess that’s the reason I’m having to deal with this doctor weakness, if karma is to blame. It is a sort of se* addiction too,though all I have to do is talk on the phone with him for a few minutes and I’ve gotten my fix. I’m so happy for a couple days, then I crash for a couple days.
Thats me too. I am excited for a few then i crash again. I keep wondering is it something I did or said or is he not interested or should I just stop being such a big baby. It drives me crazy.
Hi KB- No, I don’t think you’re being a baby at all- just a reasonable person with reasonable expectations. But when those expectations don’t match up with the other person’s, then there’s a problem. When I mentioned to him I wanted someone around more, his response was, “Quit whining.” That was about the 5th time I broke up with him after hearing that comment! But he really is oblivious and doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings. He knows I’m pretty tough and is proud of me, or at least pretends to be. I’m a sucker for that I guess. I’m trying to date other people but also trying not to be a *itch to those guys. I am not good at faking interest in them, even though they are great and on top of that also able to spend time with me!
Hi Mililani- I told him that we need to spend more time together and that if he’s not interested in this then let me know. He sent me ?? 2 of em. I told him I’m not asking for much just a text or call daily. He then text the next day and called I was busy so i didn’t talk to him. I called and text later no answer. But today i woke up with a stomach bug and i texted him he responded right away in doctor mode. I was hella sick so i told him to cal lme said he will and he didl but proceeds to tell me how he doesn’t appreciate my telling him what I said and that if he I question his interest in me then he’s gonna question us. I sometimes feel like i wanna run away from myself.
Also when i texted him do you miss me he texted right back yes i do, then asked if i missed him of course I said yes. I’m such an idiot…. I wish I knew what to do HELP
KB
I know exactly how you feel. For me its the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing before I go to bed. My schedule keeps me busy in the middle thank God lol but its definitely not easy. Sometimes I wish someone would just tell me what I need to do because I can’t seem to make up my mind if I should stay or leave now while I still have my pride and dignity! We text everyday but there’s so much I want to talk to him about. I told him to call me when he has time but I don’t see that happening soon. So, I’m thinking about writing him a long letter and spilling everything I’m holding inside. That way he is aware of everything. I’ve never considered this before but I wish we could go to some sort of couples counseling just to get feedback and advice. Lol but we all know that can’t happen. So I guess this is the only place we doctor girlfriends can come to…cuz who else would understand…*sighs*
Yes, I love being able to compare notes with everyone here! I wonder does going though all that medical training warp their brains in similar ways? What we would consider common sense is not so common at all in these doctors. Have they all read the same awful book about how to treat your girlfriend if you’re a doctor. Sweet talk them, wine and dine them, then once you two are on an exclusive basis, you can devote yourself entirely to your work again. And the girl should stay there in the background. Like a toy on the shelf to take out occasionally. Some alpha male ego thing I guess?
I’m sitting here laughing and crying at the same time…So sad. Yeah they do like knowing that we are there but at the end of the day we all really wanna be there. I must ask though after so many years of school do they get alot of you know what or not lol. I notice little things about my doctor’s bedroom habits that are quite foreign compared to my ex boyfriends.
Haha, KB, what type of habits you mean? My theory is, they work for so long to not let any women interfere with their intense school courses and then training. So maybe they watch a lot of porn instead? And that leads to a certain set of likes and dislikes?? I don’t care, he’s so good with his hands, I’m his slave (when I get the chance of course). And he appreciates that! He seems to get pumped up when he has a lot of his favorite surgeries. Like an athlete and a big game, I guess. So he is extra hot if he calls me to come over due to a last-minute surgery cancellation.
I’m sorry but I’m beginning to realize that these men act as if we should be happy that they show an interest in us. I’m of the mindset that they are assholes and we need to call them out on their bullshit and if they don’t then we need to walk away. I’m no longer letting my doctor get one up on me. If he acts up I’m not gonna take it lying down and if he gets mad so what oh well. I’m fed up. I suggest we all read or reread {Why men love bitches/ Why men marry bitches} because I refuse to be anyone’s doormat. I know they’re busy and tired all the time and they need rest but if you want a relationship with me I need attention too and love. So if you can’t deliver then somebody else will.
Yes, KB, they are used to women fawning all over them. Mine is not impressed with that type of girl, since it shows a lack of confidence on her part. And yes, if you want more of a relationship, this ain’t for you, and you don’t have to put up with it at all. If you feel like you’re his doormat, you should break it off. It’s NOT a normal relationship. I have other men I date. But there is a place for him in my life. I get something out of our relationship I don’t get elsewhere. If I were looking to get married, I wouldn’t be wasting my time and energy even thinking about him. And KB, maybe an ultimatum will work to get him to marry you. If not, you’re that much closer to another man who is interested in the same kind of relationship you are
Don’t let him turn you into someone you don’t want to be.
I do wanna be with him but I refuse to become a doormat. Case and point: he wnt to Florida for a medical conference and texted me once I’m like you have more time now to talk and you’re not calling me, so I sent him a text and said I get it I can take a hint thank you and c u when I c u. He didn’t like that and proceeded to tell me I’m talking crazy and he won’t entertain it and do what I feel. I felt like he was talking to me as if I am a child so I went off. I told him no (insert his name) you’re talking $*%ing crazy not me and you don’t hold up your end of the bargain ie don’t let a day go by without contact its a new relationship still in honeymoon phase. And I’m doing my part but you’re not doing yours don’t play games with me. I rarely get upset over it because he’s always busy and I know this but still you asked me to be your girlfriend, you pursued me so if you can’t do this right now lemme know thats all I’m saying. I didn’t tell him all that just stopped at the don’t play games with me. Do you know what he replied a #$%*ing question mark. Yes a ?. So I didn’t reply we haven’t spoken in 2 days. He’s back home since Sunday he hasn’t called and neither have I. I know he’s I training but don’t I repeat don’t speak to me as if I am a child cause I won’t take that lying down for any man doctor or no doctor.
Yeah, KB, he’s being an a**. You should definitely let him make the next move to make up for it, or move on. I do also find he doesn’t make a point to spend extra time with me or even just call me more when he’s on vacation. So I just wrote him off mentally when I ran into this at first. Then when he came back into town, I was more amenable and we got back together. It has become a pattern.
While he doesn’t want to hear me lecture him, he has sat through a rant or two of mine (they are pretty short-lived, and he agrees they are deserved), which I think is great progress for him!
There were times during my relationship with my boyfriend when I wanted to throw in the towel and give up on us. However, I didn’t and we’ve been together for almost two and a half years now. I love my boyfriend to death because of the person he is. He is an amazing individual and he chose this life for himself. Yes because he is a doctor, there’s always a plethora of women fawning over him but he’s smart enough to know what they’re after. I guess he saw something special in me because during the times when I wanted to give up, especially during his residency, he told me not to and that things would get better for us. I trusted him and things did get easier for us.
He is finished with residency and working as an attending but will be starting a fellowship next summer. I know that life will be a lot harder for us then but I’m okay with that. I admire him because he’s given up so much for his career and is so passionate about it. My boyfriend is generally pretty good with texting me throughout the day though there are days when I don’t get any texts at all because he’s so swamped at work. I usually don’t get calls from him at work because there’s no time for a full-blown conversation, it’s unprofessional in a way to be having personal conversations during work, and the service at the hospital is pretty sketchy. If he calls me, it’s usually on his way home from work or when he’s at home.
At the end of the day, you have to realize that he has a life aside from you. His career is his life. He went through more than eight years of school and training to get to where he is today. You have to be understanding of his time restraints and that his world revolves around his work schedule, not you. If you think about it this way: would he give up everything he’s worked so hard for someone he’s been dating for a few months? If you’re always on his case about calling you or texting you, he will see it as “whining” because he has enough stress from his daily work as it is. All he wants is some stability and security in his life and if you can’t give it to him, he will look elsewhere for it. I mean if you don’t understand what you’re getting yourself into, maybe you should find someone else who will have more time for you. I don’t want you to fall in love with the guy to have things end badly between you two. It just gets harder to break things off as time goes on and your feelings deepen. I’m sorry but it’s tough love I’m serving to you all at once.
I hope everything works out between all of you and your doctors. I think that if two people truly love each other, they will make it work and find a way to be together.
Thanks PS for your words. I’ve been waiting for someone, at least one person to say they are making it and are happy. It makes me hopeful . I believe that if you can’t see past the frustration and you feel yourself becoming something your not then you need to run, fast. I’m not saying that I don’t get frustrated but beneath that there is a sincere care for him I can’t call it love yet because we haven’t been together long but its getting closer to that. In the end, I’m with him because I want to be with him and when I try thinking about being with someone else it just doesn’t feel right to me. So thanks again for your words I hope you guys remain happy and in love.
So this is a good way to boil it down, when PS says,” All he wants is some stability and security in his life and if you can’t give it to him, he will look elsewhere for it.” So the stability and security is knowing that his designated girl is there waiting for him while he does 99% of life without her? This is my difficulty. I think they get so used to being on their own, they don’t know how to truly integrate another person into their life as anything other than a novelty. Just an observation, guess I’m more on the disgruntled end today.
Been dating a doc in his fellowship for a while now. Not resident-level madness, but still madness. He’s a bit older, has his &^$* together, cute, a gentleman, and funny as hell. I’m quite smitten, which is unusual for me, cynical, eyebrow raising law minion I am. I’ve never had this “honeymoon phase” thing before, and of course it’s for the doctor. Lol! I grew up pretty poor, and I know what its like to work a long week. I can’t say I’m angry at him for the cancelled plans, more just sad. He went to school forever and a half. I get that! I’m trying to be his cheerleader, most of the time, making him food and giving him a hug and words of encouragement when he needs it. He reciprocates well, and always asks me about my school/work/life. The warmth is returned. We communicate daily, he always says good morning. It’s cute.
So I come to this internal dilemma: am I a doormat, or a supportive woman? Right now, things work because we’re both busy. I’m easy to please. I’m quite happy to come cook for him (cook for a bachelor, it’s so ego-boosting), then snuggle and watch TV and talk about our day. That’s fine. But I won’t be in school and working my whole life. We both want children/marriage. And I can’t shake my paranoia about other women. Yes, I know I should trust him. A lot of other places online basically say you should be blessed so and so gazed upon you with his shining white coat, bend over. They’re still human beings. I’m terrified of losing him, because I like him so much. I just hope I can keep my head on straight. Thanks for the place to vent, ladies.
Hi Belle–
thanks for your input. Being in the “honeymoon phase” is really great, enjoy it
Am I a doormat or a supportive woman? Yes, that is a dilemma. I think that depends on how things are on your side. Are you sacrificing your own career/educational opportunities for his sake? No? Then I think as long as you don’t feel like a doormat, you’re good.
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