The dream of many, the lifestyle of few; Many women strive to meet a cute doctor, but it’s not all Club Med and hospital corners. There are a few cons that go along with the pros.
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I am so thankful to found this site as I am too dating a doctor – he is an ER doctor and is very busy. I am thankful for my busy schedule as well or it would be worse on me. We have been dating a little over a year now and it hasn’t been easy, but I have been very patient and understanding. When he is there, he is truly there and amazing. He is my best friend, very supportive of my career and life and just an all around man. He and I have both been divorced and we both have kids from our previous marriages and that makes things a bit more difficult as well – we just make it work. I admit this is one of the hardest relationships I have ever been in, but it’s well worth it. I do sometimes wonder if things will get any easier and he plans on going into private practice in the next few years, but I am just curious if he will have more time to be home than he does now as an ER doctor.
Hi LB-
My surgeon is finally sharing a bit of info about his patients with me. He stresses out when he can’t solve a problem with a patient, and his mind gets fixated on that. I can’t see how he can manage if he is like that. He has less confidence than I imagined. I like to think that if he got more time with me, I’d help him be less stressed!
I am trully losing hope with my Doc…everything was going so well but w/ in the last two weeks it has just went down hill.I don’t know what it could be.I’ve heard and he has told me that the holidays are worst at the hospital. It can be a few things- 2nd year Surgery resident, he’s studying for the Step 3 board exam overworked, but his communication and follow through sucks. So who knows. I’m trying to hang there because he does show effort, tells me how mu h he appreciates my support and understanding, tells me I’m the “one”, wants to get married and have a family one day and were are truly a great match. I have known him since I was 18 I am 28 now. We reconnected in March of last year and the rest is history. This is trully hard, especially when communication is not good. Nothing else bothers me, my career is demanding so time spent is not an issue. I really just don’t know what to do.
Hi Joie de. I feel like we are in similar positions. My Doc and I have been struggling with communication and it feels worse since its the holidays. He even worked Christmas. He is also a surgical resident with exams coming this month. I say do not take it personal when he doesn’t call you. They just have really demanding schedules right now. It helps to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine if you were overworked and under payed (residents aren’t paid well). Imagine if the highlight of your day was getting 5 hours of sleep because you worked a 14 hour shift and had to study. I know I’d be pretty b*tchy . I’m sure we’ve all meant to call someone and then got so busy and wrapped up in the day that we forgot or just didn’t get the chance to. So, if your doc has shown you he cared up to this point then don’t ditch the relationship. Sometimes the best gift you can give someone is time and space.
Hi Mililani -
I understand what you are talking about. He talks a little about his patient and day at the hospital with me as well, but just as you say…you’d think he’d have more confidence than he does. He’s afraid he’ll lose me to some other guy that can give me more time right now, but he’s who I want to be with – can never seem to give him enough reasurrance. The holidays are always the worse about the communication since it is so terribly busy during those times, however when he does have free time, he’s right there. He’s always more worried about me and my career being high stress, but I can’t imagine the high stress of saving someone life. I am just ready for the next phase of our relationship, he keeps talking about his plans this year for “us” as a whole family and then wanting to travel a few places as well before he goes into private practice. He’s such a wonderful man and a great doctor too.
Hi LB-
Yes, he assumes I worry about my job, I guess because he worries about his. But work is not on my mind at all when I’m not there. I don’t see how anyone can manage worrying about work when they are home. I know he has lives in the balance, but from my of course ignorant viewpoint, he has to be able to turn that off some of the time. Knowing you’ve done your best and left all proper instructions for patient care, that’s all you can do. He worries so much about malpractice. He must enjoy the worrying on some level. He doesn’t have to work at all from a financial standpoint. He loves doing surgery and doesn’t ever want to retire. So he must like to be stressed out for some reason. That sort of thing is what worries me about a future with him. Of course it’s been 2 years now, I guess the future is now, huh? That’s wonderful you two are talking about big plans for the future, that in itself is a joy
They have all these wives shows desperate housewife, baseball wives, basketball wives, housewives of Atlanta, mob wives…they need to come up with Doctor Wives and see all the stuff they go through.
KP-
Ha! That’s a good idea for a TV show! Except, it would be mostly showing her doing lots of stuff on her own, him at the hospital. Maybe 2 minutes a day of them texting or talking to each other! It would take weeks to get enough material of the 2 of them together for a 30 minute program!
Hahaha but you know what’s funny? You barely see any of those high profile husbands on any of the shows. So guess we’d fit right in! Lol
KP-
Yes, I guess you’re right about that. You’d see a bunch of rich, bitchy alcoholic women waiting for their husbands who promised they’d be there. wife’s birthday dinner. And there sits the wife on her birthday, at the table with the seat next to her empty. Wow. I’m pretty awful!
KP,
Thank you very much for the validation and encouragement. I really dont want to call it quits. This is why we have lasted this long, because when I do become irritated or miss him, I attempt to put myself in his shoes. I even watch Greys Anatomy and “The Gifted Man” to get a glimpse of what he may possibly be going through. I think due to my own stress level with my work around the Holidays made me edgey and sensitive to things I usaaly dont worry about. I sort of snapped at him regarding avoiding and ignoring questions I asked . Dont get me wrong, it never bothers me when I dont hear from him, I used to that now. But it grinds my gears when I tm him some important question and he replies back with and avoidant response or random things that have no conncetion to what I asked . He hasn’t contacted me in 2 days and I dont want to give in. I know that may sound childish, however I just want to see a little effort… a bit of concern that he could possibly loose me. I dislike being the one to reach out after a disagreement or strongxchange of words. But you ladies truly do give me hope! And yes Doc wives/ girlfriends need a show!They would have to do most of the taping at the hospitial lol
Hi Joie De-
That is so true about trying to talk to him about something important. It’s hard to figure out, when is the best time to have a real conversation with him, when is he most likely to be able to really listen. Some things I’ve told him from over a year ago, he remember quite clearly. Others, it’s as if I was talking to a wall when I told him. I got frustrated when it was a pretty important detail (I am no longer on the pill, we don’t need to use protection, I got my tubes tied, at his hospital, his golfing buddy did the surgery). But it’s a matter of making sure he is in listening mode and figure out what he considers important and therefore worth remembering. I think he remembers every compliment I’ve given him, for example!
A two-week rough spot is unfortunately normal, and it will happen again down the road. Hang in there! If you break up with him, think about dating other men. Will that make you happy? Or will you be comparing the new guy to him and finding he falls short? I’ve been there. He’s been in your life for 10 years, that might be a lot to be throwing away. Maybe your relationship can morph into something else?
Mililani,
Thank you much for sharing and normalizing my concerns. I realize I have to decide what I am willing to put up wit. And if it’s him, I need thick skin. Your right I’ve met other men and they are no match…even with my concerns. So I will hang in there…you ladies have definitely given me some hope I LOVE this blog!
Hey Ladies,
So I finally had a nice talk with my boyfriend. And he told me the reason why he hadn’t really contacted me and came off a little cold n distant was because he saw that his feelings are growing intensely for me and I was becoming a distraction on top of all of the other life things going on (busy holidays at the hospitial, boards exam etc.) and he did not want to have to end the relationship, so he backed off for a few of days. I was relieved and irritated ar the same time because he could have just communicated that to me in the first place! Since day one I have been understanding, supporting, encouraging and non-confrontational with him. I have my own life and career that keeps me busy. So it boggles my mind why he decided to take space the way he did. I told him never to do that to me again and that he should see by my actions that he can talk to me and tell me when he is becoming overwhelmed and needs space. Guess what?? he turned around and did the same crap the next day! ignored my tm and hasn’t even tm since I saw him Monday. Remeber less than 2 weeks agao, I was getting at least a tm a day.That is all I ask for and that is what he has been doing, so why is that so hard? Im putting my foot down and I am not contacting him. I hate to have to play these games… smh
Hi Joie De,
Yes, that pattern is sooo familiar. If you judge them by their actions,and you should, then you should definitely just forget about him. Their ability/interest in learning from past mistakes seems to be non-existant. Which to me shows that he really doesn’t actually need you. He just wants to have someone he can name if some else asks him if he has a girlfriend. Not much of a relationship.
Hey Mililani,
Well we broke up today. Turns out he was a complete asswhole. And his reasons behind the break up were so childish. I was definitely was hurt bc this was a side that I’ve never seen of him before. Like I mentioned before I’ve known him for 10 years however we just reconnected last year after a 4.5 yr hiatus. So I knew him as a friend…not a lover. I was proud that I exited the relationship gracefully. Not one tear shed…well… in his presence. Lol But I feel so liberated…so free! Because I’m confident that I gave him/ and our relationship my all. Lesson learned. Crazy thing is I would date another Doctor but I would tread carefully! Lol best of luck to you ladies and thank you again for your encouragement & support.
I am happy for your liberation, Joie De! Congrats! So sorry you had to go through that. But now we know the story behind dating a doctor, and you know you did all you could, at least.
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