Dating Tales

I know prostitution is the oldest profession. I know hookers are people too. I know sex is just sex. I get it. But here’s a tip: when on a first date don’t tell someone that you’ve slept with one.

I met a man named Todd through a friend of a friend. He was athletic, attractive, formerly a successful day trader turned high school teacher, and polite. He was great on paper and easy on the eyes so when he asked me out for dinner I said yes quickly.

The first 15 minutes of the date went great. In fact, we were flirting and laughing from the word go, but somehow the conversation changed and everything was lost. He started reminiscing about his career in finance when he mentioned that the partying and hookers just got to be too much so he had to get out.

“Hookers, really?” I questioned.

“Yeah, sure. It’s not that uncommon, I’m sure every man you know has slept with one. At least I’m honest.”

Unfortunately the date didn’t end here. For whatever reason I wanted to act like it didn’t bother me. But holy cow, it bothered me.

Is it true, do all men sleep with prostitutes? Even the educated, confident, honest men that I know?

I hadn’t heard of this special designation until recently, but USA Week, as it is commonly referred to, is a week dedicated to celebrating the lives of the unmarried.

We’re just as enlightened, we’re just as successful, and we contribute just as much as the married population. In fact, according to the US Census Bureau, 92 million, or 42% of us over 18 are single. Less than half, but more than a third. Being single can be a great thing and we’re not alone.

The organization, Unmarried America, is behind Unmarried and Single Americans Week. Learn more here: www.unmarriedamerica.org. There are events planned in several places all over the country. It starts in two days, so if you’re interested, get going!

OK, maybe it doesn’t actually stink, but I don’t like it.

I had a boyfriend once who wore holey underwear. I used to come over to his place with new pairs and sneak them into his drawer. The first time he noticed right away saying: “I prefer Calvin Klein, not Hanes.”

“I don’t care what you like; just wear some without so many holes,” I said.

He didn’t. I came over a few days later to find him in front of the TV in his underwear with holes.

I decided to try again. I bought a three pack of Calvins and snuck those in his drawer too. Again he noticed pretty quick and said, “I only like gray, I’ll never wear white.”

“I don’t care what you like; just wear some without so many holes.”

Again, he kept wearing the holey underwear never letting go of what I thought should be embarrassing. He wasn’t embarrassed.

A third time I brought over three brand new, freshly washed, gray Calvin Klein boxer briefs. I was certain this would be a successful feat. I nonchalantly opened his drawer, and carelessly threw in the boxers so he wouldn’t notice anything out of order. If I folded them or even placed them neatly, he’d know they were from me.

A few days went by and I came over for some dinner and a Netflix only to find him on the couch pulling on the errant strings of his holey underwear.

I had no choice. Without a seconds delay I surprised him by pulling off his underwear and running to the trash to rid me of them for good. I then went for the drawer to find the others. Coming up empty handed I went back to the living room where I had left him sitting.

And there he was, on the couch with the darned underwear back on. He had gone and pulled them out of the trash. I’m not sure if they were stinky before this incident, I never got close enough to notice, but I’m certain they were stinky now.

Every lawyer, like every man, are all different. However, of all the lawyers I’ve known there are a few similarities.

1) I am one.

2) Don’t write what these people wrote their profiles:

I’m looking for my Prince Charles. (I say: No pressure, really…eyes rolling)

I have a cat and I expect you to spend 10 minutes alone with him on our first date. His approval is necessary for a second date. (I say: Stop. Just stop.)

I don’t really know what I am looking for, someone I guess. (I say: Good job, now everyone knows you have no standards.)

LOOKING FOR A FEMALE FRIEND TO START WITH AND MAYBE BECOME MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS. (I say: Stop screaming! We can hear you.)

About Me
Conscious. Aware. Intellectual. Analytical. Creative. Aspiring. Balanced. Fair. Rational. Sensitive. (I say: Analytical, I get; Sensitive, I’m not feeling.)

3) If you or someone you know writes profiles like these, get help. Start today with DatingTales.net profile writing service.