Dating Tales

I’ve had two dates at the Empire State Building. Sure, you’re imaging a romantic re-do of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan’s encounter, but that wasn’t my experience. Both were deadly.

The first date didn’t actually involve going in the building, but meeting right outside near the Heartland Brewery. Picture me standing there; hopeful, nervous, and excited to meet the guy I’d only seen online, when I hear the sound of coins on the ground. I looked down to find two quarters and a nickel near my foot on the sidewalk. Looking up at the looming tower I realized I was inches from death and convinced that if one of those quarters had penetrated my skull I would have collapsed right here before my date.

When my date arrived I told him the story and he went on and on about terminal velocity and how I wouldn’t have died, blah, blah, blah. I like my story better. It’s much more exiting.

On a seperate date with another guy I met on Match, I arrived at the Empire State Building with him. Waiting in line to go up to the top, I told him about my previous near-death experience below the Empire State Building which, by the way, he also refuted when a security guard asked me to step aside. My date followed and listened as the security guard asked me to put a plastic bag in my purse.

I had no idea what to say or what to think. My date didn’t either and so he only asked the guard’s name and made sure he’d stay with us the whole time. I reluctantly put the plastic bag and its unknown contents in my purse and walked back to the security line worrying that I’d just made one of the stupidest choices of my life.

Just like you would at the airport, I placed my bag in the bin and watched it move along the conveyor belt. I walked through the metal detector keeping an eye on the security guard screening the bags. When he saw my bag, he only laughed and said, “Nice try.” He pulled the plastic grocery bag from my purse, took out a rubber grenade and handed it back to his boss who was waiting patiently beside us.

So ok, they weren’t actually deadly experiences, but could’ve been if I were writing a screenplay.