Dating Tip: Fruit Flies are Boring

My friend Brittney is new to New York City and eager to meet all kinds of new people (a/k/a men). After a few weeks of surfing Match.com, she found who she calls, The Scientist. He is actually a Ph.D. student at NYU.

Still unfamiliar with the city, she managed to find the coffee shop near Times Square that The Scientist suggested for their first date, which was surprisingly quaint and comfortable. Brittney didn’t need to wait for The Scientist because he was there when she arrived. To her surprise when he stood up to kiss her cheek, he was the shortest man she’d ever seen. He’s shorter than her, which is difficult considering she is barely five feet tall.

Turned out that when they were both sitting down the height wasn’t even really an issue, but being bored to tears was an issue. The Scientist talked about himself for at least an hour. He mostly talked about his research, which focused around the patterns of sexual reproduction between fruit flies and its surprising similarity to the human reproduction process. After Brittney tuned in and tuned out several times she finally had to ask: So you’ve been watching fruit flies have sex for the last three years?

The Scientist hesitantly responded with a positive, but in a rather negative tone. And that pretty much ended the date.

Now one would think it was clear that there was no love connection between the two. But to Brittney’s surprise the Match.com emails from The Scientist continued. In fact, they became very direct and romantic. After not responding for several days Brittney finally wrote that she really was only looking for friends and since the two of them didn’t have anything in common, thanks, but no thanks.

The Scientist responded with a vile e-mail about how he had never mentioned a relationship and had only implied sex. He said that if Brittney wasn’t able to give that up, then he wished her good luck in New York, because she’d never survive.

She knew it was pointless to reply, but it was too easy. She wrote back thanking The Scientist for the advice, but reminded him that fruit fly sex experts made poor human sex experts.

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